Can't Get No Satisfaction?

By and large, most of us are so saturated with abundance in this country - particularly in the suburbs - that our perception of what are our real needs versus what are only our wants has become horribly skewed. From birth we're told by countless sources that if you want something, you deserve to have it. Self-denial is almost shunned. We are all about gaining and consuming as much as we possibly can, and we've been falsely led to believe that if we can just have/ingest/partake in _______, then we'll be happy.

Here's the problem with that line of thinking: we are all little Mick Jaggers deep down.

When it comes to trying to shove one more shiny trinket into our pockets just so we will hopefully feel complete, inevitably we find that we just can't get no satisfaction. These trinkets can manifest themselves as any number of material things (clothes, cars, houses, boats, home decor, the latest electronic gadget - the list is endless), or perhaps even as grand life "experiences" (pleasure from food/alcohol, traveling, hobbies, parties, accomplishment), and even the collection of people (social status, friends, spouse, children, boyfriend/girlfriend). Most of these things are not bad in and of themselves and can have a healthy place in our lives. But if you're like me, you've found yourself time and time again baffled by the fact that you're putting your daily hope in one or more of these faltering, dissatisfying trinkets of life.

Until we allow the Holy Spirit to wake and shake us up, we are blind to our predicament. Left to itself, this blindness leads to a sort of spiritual lulling to sleep - we become complacent and bland, lacking in any real passion for life because what we're counting on to provide that passion falls disappointingly short every time. We may look around and think we're doing good, smug in our estimation that we've made it pretty far in life. We think we have all we want and don't really need anything, even God Himself.

In Revelation 3:17-20, Christ speaks to this predicament:

¹⁷ You say, ‘I am rich. I have everything I want. I don’t need a thing!’ And you don’t realize that you are wretched and miserable and poor and blind and naked. ¹⁸ So I advise you to buy gold from me—gold that has been purified by fire.
Then you will be rich.

Also buy white garments from me so you will not be shamed by your nakedness,

and ointment for your eyes so you will be able to see.

¹⁹ I correct and discipline everyone I love. So be diligent and
turn from your indifference.
²⁰ “Look! I stand at the door and knock. If you hear my voice and open the door, I will come in, and we will share a meal together as friends.

Wretched? Miserable? Poor? Blind? Naked? That's not what most of us see when we look at the average middle class American flying down the interstate in their trinket of choice. But, as we know, God looks at the inside of a person, not the outside (see 1 Samuel 16:7).

And do you also notice that Christ ends this chapter in Revelation not with a blast of righteous wrath, rejecting and shunning those who have fallen into this trap of self-seeking? No, he gently reaches out to us feeble little things (he knows we are only dust, Psalm 103:14) and pleads with us to turn from our indifference toward him. He desires that we find true riches, and that we be restored to him as friends - and from what I can tell, he even wants to cook us dinner (imagine how seriously tasty THAT will be)!

I want to daily be reminded of what brings true, lasting riches: putting my hope in Christ. I'll be honest, as a broken and weak human, it is not an easy task - especially when we are surrounded by such American excess at every turn. That is why I do my best to daily counteract the toll this flood of abundance takes on my soul by spending time with my Father in his Word, asking him to make my mind like his. Just this morning he reminded me of one of my favorite Proverbs (30:8-9):

...give me neither poverty nor riches!
Give me just enough to satisfy my needs.
⁹ For if I grow rich, I may deny you and say, “Who is the Lord?”
And if I am too poor, I may steal and thus insult God’s holy name.

For a season of my life, I knew all too well what it meant to struggle with financial hardship, just praying you have enough money in the bank till the next paycheck comes in. But even in that dark place, God always provided for my needs (Psalm 37:25). I pray I'm never led to walk down that rough path again, but even if I am, I am confident that the Lord provides for his children.

And even more than a prayer against poverty, I know that what I really should continually pray against is the temptation to allow the lure of abundance to cause me to deny my desperate need for God. Only in him alone can we ever really acquire the true joy, passion, security, and peace for which we are all designed to hunger.

Christ alone satisfies.

(somebody should really tell Mick.)

Stay Calm and Don't Move (lessons learned from bees, babies and David)

I am not a fan of flying, stinging insects. Bees, wasps, hornets, yellow jackets (just writing their names gives me chills). I am very much in dislike of them. I'll just go ahead and say I loathe them, and truly it's no stretch to admit that I'm even a bit on the phobic side about them.

Of course, naturally, this means that they have a great affection for me - so much so that I cannot even count the amount of times they have so lovingly sunk their little stingers deep into my flesh (in the most random of places, might I add: back of the neck, foot, thumb, eyelid), even leaving a scar on my shin from one darling bee who crawled up my acid-washed overalls on my bus ride home from school in the 4th grade (guess my "tight roll" just wasn't tight enough).

Since these critters have so clearly declared me as Archnemesis #1, it stands to reason that I find it mighty hard to just "stay calm and don't move," as so many brave souls encourage me to do whenever one of them buzzes near. I really do try. But as soon as my tortured radar picks up that flying stinger, I lose all sense of reason and instantaneously transform into a panicking, screaming, running, flailing spaz. How other people just, "stay calm and don't move," is beyond my comprehension.

Sad thing is, I've found that this instinctive tendency to freak out doesn't just limit itself to my response to flying insects of the stinging variety. I've battled with keeping my perspective on "living in the moment" for most of my life, but never so much since becoming a parent.

I remember lying in my hospital bed after giving birth for the first time, just waiting to feel that overwhelming sense of instant love that everyone said I would for this precious little thing who would soon call me Mom. But as I stared at his tiny, swaddled, sleeping body, it was fear and anxiety that won the battle for my emotional state. In those first few moments, I was flat-out overcome with the mammoth task that now lay before me: I was co-responsible for helping this little baby develop into a decent human being. How in the WORLD does someone as messed up as me even begin to tackle that job? It was all too much to fathom. I felt like someone had dropped a bomb onto my already wiped-out body, and all I wanted to do was sink into that bed and pull the covers over my head.

Thankfully, just as He has done countless times before, God spoke to my panicking heart in that moment and gently reminded me that all I really had to do at that point (and at least for those first few weeks) was just to make sure my baby was: 1) fed and, 2) clean. That, for the time being, would be enough. I could do that! And as his little body grew and he became more complex, God would show me with each stage of growth how to take care of his needs, baby step by baby step. My spirit instantly began to brighten, and I was able to release my grip on a load that was never mine to fully bear and return it to the only One whose strength is limitless. 

Since that first moment of realizing the awesome weight of parenthood, I have inevitably found myself trying to take back that load of "figuring it all out" in other facets of life. When I take my eyes off Christ, I cannot help but begin to fret over the little stingers of life just waiting to pierce my heart. And as I allow my feeble brain to spend too much time on one area of concern for the future, I only find myself deeper and deeper in a state of confusion and worry. Invariably, worry only begets more worry, so I'll naturally start to tack on a whole list of more "what ifs" to my original concern. Even my prayers start to become self-absorbed times of worrying to God, instead of resting in His presence and seeking His will for my life.

So, what's a worrier to do?

David had the answer, when he wrote in Psalm 131:

¹ Lord, my heart is not proud;
      my eyes are not haughty.
   I don’t concern myself with matters too great
      or too awesome for me to grasp.
 ² Instead, I have calmed and quieted myself,
      like a weaned child who no longer cries for its mother’s milk.
      Yes, like a weaned child is my soul within me.

 ³ O Israel, put your hope in the Lord—
      now and always.

Whether we realize it or not, when we worry ourselves over "matters too great or too awesome for me to grasp" (which is most of life), we are really being prideful, putting our hope in our own abilities to plan and scheme and create safety nets. We find ourselves looking under every rock and around every corner, trying desperately to anticipate what might be coming down the pipe next.

Instead, God wants us to just stay calm and not move, "like a weaned child who no longer cries for its mother's milk." We are to become like trusting little children, who rest quietly in our Daddy's lap, knowing that He will provide for all our needs in His perfect timing.

As Beth Moore says, as children of God, nothing in our lives is left to chance. Nothing happens by accident. God is able to take all areas of our lives, even the most painful parts, and work everything out for our good and His glory.

In the end, it really is all good. Who knew!?

And I am beginning to more deeply understand the meaning of and value God places on having a childlike faith. Children wake up each day clueless of the agenda, and yet they have a natural, peaceful trust that their parents will take care of them, regardless of what the day brings. When we seek to walk as they do, we are freed up from the pride and panic that can beat us down - and we can instead simply rest happily in our Daddy's arms, for our hope is in Him alone.

Father, forgive me that I am not more often like a weaned child in your arms, but instead I cry out to you for answers, for clarity, for more light - when what I desperately need more than these things is simple trust that You will show me exactly what I need to know, when I need to know it, 

each baby step of the way.

 

Today's Tender Rebuke

disclaimer: neither parent placed these stickers on his face :)

Eyes shut to the hardness of my own heart,
I fumble about our little home,
correcting this attitude,
disciplining that failure,
all the while growing
more
and more
impatient.

I adore my children.
But I am to the breaking point,
and I grit my teeth as I do my best
to not scream!

It is there,
in that place
when my heart is on the verge of
spewing all its latent ugliness,
that I hear You gently whisper,

"You are just like them."

A loving rebuke to Your child.

Thank you, Father, for that
much-needed reminder:
How can I demand that my
babies act any better than
I'm acting on the inside?

We are all desperate for You.
Thank You that You do not
leave us to ourselves.
Thank You that You use
Your Word to teach us:

"Can a blind man lead a blind man? Will they not both fall into a pit? A student is not above his teacher, but everyone who is fully trained will be like his teacher...You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye." (Luke 6: 39-40, 42)

And thank You for
Your patience with me,
even when mine
runs thin with
the precious little ones
You have so mercifully given me.

My heart longs to be like You,
the perfect Parent,
my Teacher,
to be fully trained by You.
Although it hurts at the time,
I cherish Your tender rebukes.
They mean You truly love me.

And even though I know
I am not all that I should be,
I am not who I once was.
You are growing me.
Bit by bit.

Amen!

Take heart!

We are frail and fragile. Weak and worn down. Grasping for hope and hanging by a thread.

All of us.

This is the nature with which we were born, with which we will all die. And I hate to be the one to break it to you, but even if you've staked your claim on the cross of Christ, if you've taken the free gift of salvation that was ushered in on the morning of his resurrection - in short, if you are a Christian - you are still susceptible to feeling beaten down and tossed about by life's storms. Hang with me here, because here comes a...

But... (aren't you glad there's a "but"?!)

even if there are times when you feel like you're floating over an abyss, barely hanging on to a crumbling lifeboat by your shaky little pinky finger...

you will not drown.

As a believer, whether you feel like it or not, you are always safe in the hands of your Redeemer. You will not be overcome by life's trials.

Not because of your ability to "dig deep" and "tough it out," but because the Spirit of Christ who lives in you is the great Overcomer. He said in John 16: 33, "In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

And as he promises in Isaiah 54, he will not allow the floodwaters of life's troubles to sweep us away:

⁹ “To me this is like the days of Noah,
when I swore that the waters of Noah would never again cover the earth.
So now I have sworn not to be angry with you,
never to rebuke you again.
¹⁰ Though the mountains be shaken
and the hills be removed,
yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken
nor my covenant of peace be removed,”
says the LORD, who has compassion on you.

Even if the very bedrock of what we cling to in our lives, our own personal mountain ranges that we tell ourselves are impenetrable, even if these were to crumble into dust and be washed away into the sea...we would not be ruined. Because although we would inevitably feel for a moment that we were completely abandoned and hopeless, we would soon find that our feet were still standing on the solid foundation of Christ's immovable, unfailing love.

No amount of life's twists and turns and tragedies can separate us from his love (Romans 8:38-39).

From birth, we prove ourselves to be such good little builders. As our toddler years slip into our teenage years, it doesn't take long for our cities made of legos or lincoln logs to eventually morph themselves into our own personal cities of what we think we need to thrive in this life: relationships, acceptance, success, pleasure...the list is endless.

And if in God's great, fathomless love, he allows our "cities" that we have erected to be torn down, he will not leave us in the rubble, rummaging about, trying to rebuild on our own.

Instead, if we turn to his Son, he promises:

¹¹ “Afflicted city, lashed by storms and not comforted,
I will rebuild you with stones of turquoise,
   your foundations with lapis lazuli.
¹² I will make your battlements of rubies,
your gates of sparkling jewels,
and all your walls of precious stones.
¹³ All your children will be taught by the LORD,
and great will be their peace.

 
Although when life brings pain we may feel poor, even totally bankrupt of soul, God promises that he is the great Rebuilder of frail human lives. He, and he alone, is able to make a person truly rich - rich in peace, hope, and an ever-abiding sense of his love

(which is what our efforts at "city building" is all about, whether we realize it or not).

And when we allow him to rebuild the wrecked state of our souls, he promises that the peace that we have in our own hearts can be passed on to the children with which he has blessed us.

Oh, how I cling to this promise - that the things I have allowed to wreak havoc in my life will not be passed on to my precious little ones. I seek to make every effort to teach my children about my great God, knowing that he will bless that and that "great will be their peace." I am fully aware that every individual has his or her own free will, but I also believe that God will bless the lives of children whose parents seek, albeit imperfectly and in God's strength alone, to teach them what it means to walk authentically with his Son. 

And finally, the Lord continues with his promises to his servants that:

¹⁴ In righteousness you will be established:
Tyranny will be far from you;
you will have nothing to fear.
Terror will be far removed;
it will not come near you.
¹⁵ If anyone does attack you, it will not be my doing;
whoever attacks you will surrender to you.
¹⁶ “See, it is I who created the blacksmith
who fans the coals into flame
and forges a weapon fit for its work.
And it is I who have created the destroyer to wreak havoc;
¹⁷ no weapon forged against you will prevail,
and you will refute every tongue that accuses you.
This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD,
and this is their vindication from me,”
declares the LORD.

As Christ so openly told us, life this side of heaven would bring troubles. This is not news to anyone. There will be attacks by the weapons of the evil one. I have found this especially true in times of exhaustion, times when I feel dull of heart, or when God just seems silent in my life. Then the attacks come, often in the forms of discouragement, doubt, and disillusionment.

But...(yay! another "but"!)

because I have been established in righteousness (Christ's righteousness, not my own feeble attempts at it), none of these weapons can ultimately stand a chance. God has allowed them in my life to refine my faith - he may even allow them to wound me for the sake of a greater good that I cannot yet comprehend,

but he will never let them prevail over me!

This is the great heritage of the servants of the Lord:

hope of his forgiveness when we feel abandoned, ashamed, and afraid;

his unfailing, restoring love when all of life comes crashing down;

and a firm foundation of his protection when we are inevitably attacked by life's troubles.

When we give our lives to the King of all and are adopted into his family, it only stands to reason that our inheritance be one of endless wonder and riches beyond all comprehension. We may catch glimpses of it on this earth, but they are just shadows of the fathomless joy we will walk in moment by moment when we enter eternity.

Come, Lord Jesus!

Hope when we feel abandoned, ashamed and afraid (that pretty much covers all of us at some point)

      Isaiah 54: 1 - 8

Although I am no theologian (as aforementioned!) - just a girl who desperately wants to love and know God better - it seems to me that one of the beautiful things about God's Word is that it can be understood in a broad, time-and-place, historical sense and at the same time be taken in a completely personal sense - just as God Himself is both infinite Creator and also intimate Father. So it stands to reason that his Word can have implications for the far-off future but also for your present moment here and now on this crazy side of eternity. To me, Isaiah 54 is particularly one of those chapters in God's Word that can be understood from both perspectives.

It begins:

¹ “Sing, barren woman,
you who never bore a child;
burst into song, shout for joy,
you who were never in labor;
because more are the children of the desolate woman
than of her who has a husband,”
says the LORD.

The first time I ever read this promise, I smirked in disbelief because I felt very much like a barren woman, and my life was in a seemingly terribly desolate place. I had never birthed a child and honestly, I didn't even dare hope I ever would. Shamefully, I thought it to be beyond God's mercy in my life.

But oh...was I wrong! I love it when I'm wrong - at least on this point! Little did I know that in just a few years after I first read these verses I would have not one, not two, but THREE little miracles of my own. Talk about God's ability to turn the course of our lives on a dime. I've been up to my eyeballs in diapers for the past few years living this one out! Here's a little bit of proof:

Big Guy (3), Sweet Pie (2), and Birdy Baby (6 mo.)

I also believe these verses speak to the spiritual children of the Church at large. Christ's coming ushered in the beginning of a "full house," calling to him believers from all over the world, so much so that God says to:

² “Enlarge the place of your tent,
stretch your tent curtains wide,
do not hold back;
lengthen your cords,
strengthen your stakes.
³ For you will spread out to the right and to the left;
your descendants will dispossess nations
and settle in their desolate cities.

When we are faithful to God's call to shepherd the children he has placed in our paths, whether they are our own flesh and blood or our spiritual children, I believe he in turn will be faithful to our efforts. He certainly was to the apostles of the early church as they sought to raise spiritual children.

God continues on with a command and another promise:

⁴ “Do not be afraid; you will not be put to shame.
Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated.
You will forget the shame of your youth
and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood.

Anybody else out there like the sound of that? Would anybody else like to just carve out chunks of their past and toss them far out into the ocean, never again having to worry that they might wash back ashore in a wave of shame?

There have been countless times when all I have wanted to do is to forget the shame of my youth and the reproach of the failure of others in my life. Here God promises that I will! And, true to that promise, I am so grateful to say that I have. So much of the darkness of my past has been burned up and purified by the light of the Life that is within me. Not that I am "blocking it out" or just telling myself to forget the past, but the memory of my dark times no longer lurks in the shadows of my mind, threatening to overwhelm me. I have been healed from their power over my mind. Yes, Satan does his best, and sometimes succeeds, to pry from memory something that I would rather not recall - but it does not penetrate my heart and mind the way it used to.

The power of my past is broken because Christ has borne my sins on the cross, scorning their shame for me (Hebrews 12: 2). I do not have to suffer the shame of my sins anymore because Jesus did it for me! And ultimately any remnant of painful memories have been taken captive by Christ's redeeming work on the cross to simply serve as beautiful reminders of God's profound grace in my life.

He truly has the power to work all things for the good of those who love him (Romans 8:28). In fact, he specializes in it.

These next few verses just floor me:

⁵ For your Maker is your husband—
the LORD Almighty is his name—
the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer;
he is called the God of all the earth.
⁶ The LORD will call you back
as if you were a wife deserted and distressed in spirit—
a wife who married young,
only to be rejected,” says your God. 

Even when we are rejected or treated as "less than" by those who have vowed to love us, we can cling to this amazing truth - that ultimately, the LORD Almighty is our true husband (or, for you guys, the true Lover of your soul)!

People will, by nature, fail us. Nobody, sad to say, is fully trustworthy, save the One who made us. And amazingly that One wants us! Pitiful, crazy, mixed up, inconsistent, unfaithful, selfish, sorry me. And you (yes, you).


We find true wisdom when we put our hope in the eternal One alone, not another fallen, fallible, finite creature.

Christ alone is the Holy One.

Christ alone is our Redeemer.

And when we turn to and trust him,

⁶ The LORD will call you back
as if you were a wife deserted and distressed in spirit—
a wife who married young,
only to be rejected,” says your God.
⁷ “For a brief moment I abandoned you,
but with deep compassion I will bring you back.
⁸ In a surge of anger
I hid my face from you for a moment,
but with everlasting kindness
I will have compassion on you,”
says the LORD your Redeemer.

Have you known a time when you felt forsaken and abandoned by God? If we are honest, most of us answer in the affirmative.

But even if we have felt that way - be it when we have allowed sin to separate us from his nearness, or when the pain of just living on this broken earth caused his presence to feel a million miles away - the Lord will never leave us nor forsake us (Deuteronomy 31:6).

Those feelings of being forsaken, in the grand scheme of things, are temporary. But what is eternal, what is everlasting is his kindness and compassion on us.

Feelings flee and change, but our God cannot. His mercy and love for his servants will go on into eternity. May we not only seek to experience it now in our everyday lives, but also look forward to the hope of dwelling in the presence of our God of unending kindness in the (not-so-distant) eternal future - our heritage as his servants both now and in that great Day to come.

My Trifecta of Faceplants (or "How I Got Here")

Isaiah 54

Everyone has a story. Mine is far from glamorous and not very exciting, at least from the world's point of view. But before I begin to lay bare my inmost thoughts on the glimpses of God's goodness intertwined through our everyday lives, I figured it best to start from the beginning to let you know how I came to this place. I'm not a theologian, but I do know how God has worked in my life, and it is my great joy to share it.

In God's great mercy, he purposed for me to be born into a family that has historically loved him. So, naturally, I've been around Scripture since I drew my first breath.

As he promises it would, God's Word does not return void - it will do what he sends it out to do (Isaiah 55:11). And if he sees fit to send his Spirit to call you to him, then that Word will stir your heart till you can't even stand it anymore.

Thus, conversion.

For me, it happened when I was nine. I remember sitting in that little sanctuary, so floored with the weight of my sinfulness (even though I had yet to commit any really "big" ones) that I felt like my Keds would be permanently stuck to the ground. But eventually they did move, all the way back to the pale green carpet of my bedroom floor, where I collapsed in tears (faceplant #1). I was overcome. As overcome as a third grader can be, anyway. I knew I desperately needed a Savior. Someone else bigger than me to get me out of the mess that was my hard heart.

Christ was reaching out his hand to me, so in desperate gratitude, I grasped it. He has yet to let go.

In that moment, I believe he sealed me tight with his Spirit. My eternal destiny was settled and secure. He gave me a new, tender heart of flesh...but I still had that rotten sin nature that I'll continue to have till the day I die. And as much as I loved my beautiful Savior, I had a powerful lust for so much more.

It took me a long time to realize that nothing would satisfy that gaping whole in my heart other than more of him. It took me way too long. Long enough to allow more and more of the sin in my heart, the world, and Satan's lies to penetrate and take root in my life, leading me to commit such horrific acts that I sometimes cannot even bear to remember them. Thank the Lord that because of his mercy lavished upon us when we confess and repent, he will not remember them (Hebrews 8:12).

But the scars are still there in my own heart. And funny thing is, although they are painful, I love those scars - because they will forever serve as a reminder of the great, overcoming grace of the sweet Lover of my soul. They are scars because they are healed, and only he can truly do that.

The first healing came around the time that I was starting my senior year of college when, although I had fought hard against it, I eventually found myself in a deep pit of depression, weighed down by the all-consuming regret from my wrong choices. Up to this point, I had spent years seeking after anything and anyone who would quench my thirst for significance, for acceptance, for a sense of worth. That futile quest had left me at the end of my rope with nothing to show for all my searching except the sadness that swallowed me up every minute I was awake.

I didn't know what else to do, who else to talk to except the One who made me, who saw me daily desperately wallowing in the mire of my self-dug pit. So, I grabbed the only Book that I still believed had the true answers to my awful pain, and although I was pretty sure God was deeply hurt (and, as scared as I was to admit it, profoundly angry) over the life I had been living (all the while claiming to be his daughter - I'd even become a Religion major in college), I cried out to him for mercy anyway.

And he heard. He heard! In his great, fathomless compassion, he heard my pitiful cry. I remember for three days in a row, I'd be getting ready for classes in the morning and the deep sorrow I had for my choices would just wash over me so strongly that I'd be literally knocked to the floor in a heap of tears. On that third day of pounding my fists in the ground (faceplant #2), crying out for forgiveness, I reached over and grabbed my Bible, and through a cloud of tears, God led my eyes to rest on Matthew 11: 28-30, where Jesus says, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Although I had been told that Jesus loves me my entire life and had even made a profession of faith in his redemption offered through the cross, at that moment it was as if I heard that truth for the first time. I was astounded that he truly was offering me forgiveness and rest...blessed rest. That all I had to do was give my huge burden of sin over to him and he would take it from me. I was weary - bone weary - and burdened beyond bearing, and he was offering rest.

I was delivered. And I have literally never been the same. Praise GOD!

That was the beginning of what I know is my true walk with my precious Savior. After that first deliverance - what I see as my own personal Exodus from the slavery of my sin - he allowed me to spend a season in the wilderness, just like he did his beloved Israel. Thankfully mine wasn't 40 years, but after 5 1/2 years in, it was beginning to feel that long! Again, I found myself begging God for deliverance, although it was from a different, less self-made pit this time. For many days I had fasted and prayed for him to give me his guidance, his direction, his mercy, his light.

And as he had done for me years before, he heard my cry again. I remember lying face down on the floor (alas, faceplant #3), pleading with him for his will in my life at that moment, telling him that I wasn't moving until I heard from only him. Then, like I had never experienced before, I "heard" in my heart the words, "Isaiah 54". I knew I hadn't come up with those words because, sadly, I wasn't sure there even was a 54th chapter of Isaiah! I had heard verses from Isaiah 53 quoted many times before, but never anything from the next chapter over. But with shaking hands, I went ahead and flipped my Bible open, half thinking the verses would be about something completely irrelevant to what I was facing, or worse no chapter at all....(oh, you of little faith!)

Instead I found myself amazed and overjoyed to the point of laughter through the tears streaming down my face as I read that chapter that was so clearly meant for my life, so plainly answering the profound questions I had, guiding my steps as only my loving Father can. Only God has the power to use his Word to cut through right to where our hearts are most needy, to speak so perfectly to what we need to hear when we need to hear it. I soaked it up, and I encourage you to do the same. Take your time, read it slowly as you listen for God's Truth in your life:

“Sing, barren woman,
you who never bore a child;
burst into song, shout for joy,
you who were never in labor;
because more are the children of the desolate woman
than of her who has a husband,”
says the LORD.
² “Enlarge the place of your tent,
stretch your tent curtains wide,
do not hold back;
lengthen your cords,
strengthen your stakes.
³ For you will spread out to the right and to the left;
your descendants will dispossess nations
and settle in their desolate cities.
⁴ “Do not be afraid; you will not be put to shame.
Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated.
You will forget the shame of your youth
and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood.
⁵ For your Maker is your husband—
the LORD Almighty is his name—
the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer;
he is called the God of all the earth.
⁶ The LORD will call you back
as if you were a wife deserted and distressed in spirit—
a wife who married young, only to be rejected,” says your God.
⁷ “For a brief moment I abandoned you,
but with deep compassion I will bring you back.
⁸ In a surge of anger
I hid my face from you for a moment,
but with everlasting kindness
I will have compassion on you,”
says the LORD your Redeemer.
⁹ “To me this is like the days of Noah,
when I swore that the waters of Noah would never again cover the earth.
So now I have sworn not to be angry with you,
never to rebuke you again.
¹⁰ Though the mountains be shaken
and the hills be removed,
yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken
nor my covenant of peace be removed,”
says the LORD, who has compassion on you.
¹¹ “Afflicted city, lashed by storms and not comforted,
I will rebuild you with stones of turquoise,^[a]
your foundations with lapis lazuli.
¹² I will make your battlements of rubies,
your gates of sparkling jewels,
and all your walls of precious stones.
¹³ All your children will be taught by the LORD,
and great will be their peace.
¹⁴ In righteousness you will be established:
Tyranny will be far from you;
you will have nothing to fear.
Terror will be far removed;
it will not come near you.
¹⁵ If anyone does attack you, it will not be my doing;
whoever attacks you will surrender to you.
¹⁶ “See, it is I who created the blacksmith
who fans the coals into flame
and forges a weapon fit for its work.
And it is I who have created the destroyer to wreak havoc;
¹⁷ no weapon forged against you will prevail,
and you will refute every tongue that accuses you.
This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD,
and this is their vindication from me,”
declares the LORD."

As I had done after my first deliverance, I arose from that floor a new woman - a woman who knew without a shadow of a doubt that the Lord hears me, he is with me, and he will forever guide my steps. I knew what he wanted for me in that moment in my life and that I could go forward without a hint of doubt. And I did. My question was answered, and all he wanted me to do was to believe and obey. So, in his strength, I did.

Life has never been the same since, and even though there have inevitably been ups and downs in the years succeeding this pinnacle, I have clung to Isaiah 54 as God's great promise for my life. At the time he first revealed it to me, I didn't even dare to hope that all the verses could possibly apply to me. Only a particular section truly resonated in my heart at that place in my life. But as only God is able, he has miraculously poured out his blessings, both physically and spiritually, in ways I could've never dreamed, just as he promises in that chapter.

And I am beginning to believe that perhaps not just a few verses are meant for me, but the whole chapter is one grand promise of a heritage for all the "servants of the Lord."

Thus, the name of this blog.

We all serve something or someone, and we will all find ourselves in at least one or two (or three) faceplants if we live long enough.

Who or what are we bowing down to?

I pray you join me in my efforts to daily live as God's servant. Although I greatly desire to, I don't serve wholeheartedly or even remotely close to perfectly, but I can say without hesitation that the Lord truly is the only One worth serving. In his "upside down economy", service to him is the only way to experience true freedom. We were born for it.

My prayer for this blog

On this day set aside for fasting and praying for the soul of our nation,
I come to You in fear and trembling, merciful Savior.

Apart from You, I can do nothing.

Outside of You, I am nothing.

I pray that all that I am, be all for You.

As I begin this new journey of journaling,
I ask you to help me lay down
each word,
each thought,
each story
on the altar of Your glory.

Let nothing come out of my mind and onto this screen
that does not shout Your praise,
sing Your truth,
scream Your inutterable majesty.

Lord, help me.

Other than the bits of You swirling inside me,
I am a complete mess.

I will never have it all figured out this side of eternity.
But I know the One who does,
and all my heart truly longs to do is
to reflect and enjoy Your beauty and mercy
sprinkled through my everyday, run-of-the-mill,
fleeting vapor of a life...
even if the only one who ever reads about it is You, Lord.

May it all be for the glory of the One
who redeemed and
is still refining me.