Keeping Our Hearts on Home

"Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God."

- Colossians 3: 1-3

Oh, how swiftly my heart and mind can be swept away from "things above"...

But how grateful I am that my Good Shepherd so gently leads me back to focusing on His Truth, restoring my vision to focus on His Kingdom, not on "earthly things."

Most often He does this through the quiet power of His Word. Colossians 3: 1-4 are the verses that I have most recently felt led to commit to memory. Ironic thing is, not two days after I started working on memorizing this compelling call to keep my heart and mind centered on Christ, another force within our world began to work mercilessly against my efforts. It was...

Black Friday.

And its partner in crime,

Cyber Monday.

Sad, I know.

This annual season of sensational sales sucked me in before I had time to click, "Empty Cart!" I was still rising early, but to shop online, not spend time with God. Thankfully I did not go completely bonkers with my spending. It was more like I was obsessed with the thrill of deal hunting. This is the one time of year when I feel a little freedom to shop because the deals are so good and I can stock up for the year ahead. [I want to be clear here: I do not think bargain hunting nor Black Friday nor Cyber Monday (nor garage sales, thrift stores, or clearance racks) are wrong in any way, shape or form! In fact, I think they are a great way to practice good stewardship of the finances with which God has blessed us. But for me, it just happened to be the most recent tool from my own personal well-stocked toolbox that was used to completely derail my heart and mind's focus on "things above" for a good 5 to 7 days. Wow.]

When it was all over with, I found myself with only a slight sense of accomplishment that I had made some savvy purchases. The more noticeable sense within my spirit was the overwhelming dryness and dullness that had crept in during my week long hiatus from seeking first my Savior above all else. Even without all those sales swirling around me to distract me into bargain hound mode, it is still a daily, ongoing struggle for me to keep my eyes on Christ above all else.

Thus, I am ever grateful for the life-giving power of God's Word, which reminds me that when I make His Truth my deepest delight and joy, disciplining my mind to meditate on it throughout my day, then (and only then) will I experience true blessings,

"like a tree planted by streams of water,
which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither

— whatever they do prospers."

 (Psalm 1: 2-3)

I am also thankful for the Truth He speaks through the words of even the smallest of sources in my life: my 2 year-old daughter. Just this past month she uttered one of the most profound, albeit simple, statements I've heard in my life. 

One afternoon, she noticed me sitting at our kitchen table with my head in my hands, praying. She asked me why my eyes were closed and I said, "Oh, I'm just asking God where he wants us to live." (It has long been an ongoing prayer for us as a family to seek God's will when it comes to where and when exactly He wants us to build or buy a house.) After my daughter heard my reply, she said with all the I-can't-believe-you're-asking-this certainty she could muster,

"Heaven."

All I could do was stare and smile. I had been shamefully schooled my my preschooler. Through her childlike faith, God used her to minister other-worldly wisdom:

our ultimate citizenship, our permanent address can never be any place on this green earth.

It is meant to be heaven.

With our Creator, not just here in His Creation, as breathtaking as it is.

And so, through His Word and the words of the little miracles with which He has blessed me, my wandering heart and mind are gratefully swayed back to the compelling call to keep focused on "things above, not on earthly things" (Colossians 3: 2). For this is where real life lies.

 

 

** For a great resource to help you keep your heart and mind focused on Christ during this Christmas season, check out the Village Church's "Advent Guide"**

Homemade Laundry Detergent

As the keeper of our home, I am always looking for ways to maintain our health and budget at the same time. I've been making my own multi-purpose cleaning spray and tub/tile cleaner for about 2 years now (recipes forthcoming), which has been a wonderful way to save money as well as ensure that my kids aren't coming into constant contact with who-knows-what chemically. After our last jug of store-bought laundry detergent finally ran out, I decided to attempt to make my own. It was incredibly easy and has proven to get our clothes just as clean - yay! I'm so thankful that God has so graciously shown me little ways to take care of both the precious lives and finances with which He's blessed us.

Here's the recipe I used (from www.duggarfamily.com) :

Homemade Liquid Laundry Soap 

(front or top load machine- best value)

4 Cups - hot tap water
1 Fels-Naptha or Ivory soap bar (I used Kirk's Castille Soap)
1 Cup - Arm & Hammer Super Washing Soda*
½ Cup Borax*

- Grate bar of soap (I chopped mine into small pieces & then put it in the food processor) and add to saucepan with water. Stir continually over medium-low heat until soap dissolves and is melted.

-Fill a 5 gallon bucket half full of hot tap water. Add melted soap, washing soda and Borax. Stir well until all powder is dissolved. Fill bucket to top with more hot water. Stir, cover and let sit overnight to thicken.

-Stir and fill a used, clean, laundry soap dispenser half full with soap and then fill rest of way with water. Shake before each use. (will gel)

-Optional: You can add 10-15 drops of essential oil per 2 gallons. Add once soap has cooled. Ideas: lavender, rosemary, tea tree oil.

-Yield: Liquid soap recipe makes 10 gallons.

-Top Load Machine- 5/8 Cup per load (Approx. 180 loads)

-Front Load Machines- ¼ Cup per load (Approx. 640 loads)

*Arm & Hammer "Super Washing Soda" - in some stores or may be purchased online. Baking Soda will not work, nor will Arm & Hammer Detergent - It must be sodium carbonate!
* Borax can be found in the laundry aisle of your grocery store.

NOTE: ™ = Trademark. All trademarks are property of their respective owners. Results may vary. All recipes are valid for non-commercial use otherwise written permission must be obtained from the The Jim Bob & Michelle Duggar Family. © Copyright 2011



The Purpose of Waiting

Are you in a season of waiting?

It seems to me that, on some level, most of us are always in a season of waiting. Sometimes the seasons are short, sometimes they are long. Sometimes they are exuberant periods of waiting expectantly for impending joy on the horizon. Sometimes they are difficult seasons where we feel hopeless and surrounded by utter darkness. Sometimes they are somewhere in between those two.

But whatever our seasons look like, they are always hard.

I'm learning that God has designed these seasons of waiting on Him to serve a profound purpose in our lives...if we will let them.

The easy thing to do is to rage and fight against them. By nature, we don't like pain. On top of that, we are an instant gratification generation - we want what we want, and we want it NOW. But in God's Kingdom, rarely does He allow us those moments of instantaneous satisfaction - and with good reason.

God knows that things obtained too easily will ultimately teach us nothing of our desperate need for Him. When He allows us to walk through the trial of waiting on Him, He promises that it will ultimately produce His good work in our lives. I love Eugene Peterson's paraphrase of James 1:2-4, when God's Word encourages us to,

^"Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don't try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way."

Have you had this experience? Have you ever emerged from a dark season of waiting on the Lord to work in your life, and find yourself able to look back on it with "pure joy" in your heart because He loved you enough to let you go through the trial, knowing that if He had spared you from it, you would not have grown in your faith? I can look back on my life and, by His grace, do just that. There have been several seasons of "trials of many kinds," some darker than others. But they all forced me to my knees in a way that, sad to say, my easier times never could.

If you are in the midst of a season of trial and waiting on the Lord, I want to encourage you to hang in there! Or in a more Biblical term, keep persevering!! Your Creator has not forgotten you. In fact, you are in a prime position to receive such blessing from God that otherwise you might not. As James continues in 1:12,

"Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him."

God is at work in the midst of our testing and trials and waiting. As Charles Stanley so wisely explains, "The dark moments of our life will last only so long as is necessary for God to accomplish His purpose in us." And we know that one of His top priorities is that we put more of our faith in His Son, allowing Him to mold us into His likeness. This higher goal will trump our desire to be freed from our trial every time. And if we are seeking His Kingdom and will for our lives, inevitably the Lord will change our hearts to desire this as well, even more than an answer to what we are seeking.

One final lesson God is teaching me is that when I sincerely ask for His will to be done in my life, I must wholeheartedly believe that it is and that it will be! Again, James says in 1: 5-6,

"If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. ⁶ But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind."

Countless times in the Gospel we read stories of folks who are praised - not necessarily because of their spotless reputations or impeccable behavior - but because of their complete belief and trust in Christ's power over their lives. The Lord is reminding me that I need to turn from my doubting that He is actively at work to bring about His will in my life and instead cling to my faith in His goodness, knowing that,

"...without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him."

- Hebrews 11:6

His ultimate reward is not the stuff of life - but more of Him. That is all we truly need. May He continue to use your season of waiting to bless you with just that. 

The Biggest Miracle of All

I am daily amazed at God's active (albeit unseen most of the time) presence in my life and the lives that intersect mine. Every day there are countless stories of His miraculous acts of grace swirling all around us, some big, some little.

I'm particularly partial to the moments when He allows us broken, unfaithful children to play a tiny part in His grand plan. Of course we know He could do it all Himself - by no means does He need our help to accomplish His will. But it pleases Him to involve us at times - He knows that we are blessed beyond measure when this happens. When we are seeking His Kingdom in our lives, He will use these powerful moments to teach us a lesson in His grandeur if we let Him.

A recent example of this in my little world:
Last week I heard a story about a couple who received a random, totally unexpected check of a significant amount in their mailbox (it was a real estate tax refund from a house they'd sold a couple years prior). Although flashes of all the "fun" things they could buy with the amount passed through their minds, they quickly planned to tuck it away in savings.

Clearly, however, God had other plans for the funds because literally minutes after they'd made the decision of what to do with it, they were made aware of a loved one's urgent need. Here's the kicker: the amount needed was almost to the exact dollar of what showed up in their mailbox that day. They knew instantly that the check, although it had made a pit stop at their house, was not meant for their own personal use, but for Christ's greater glory. They were honored to give it all just for that. He had given them so much, how could they not?

This story is just one of the countless sparks of God's grandeur played out in our lives. Whether we perceive it or not, he is constantly at work in our lives, taking care of our every need exactly when we need it. This couple and their loved one could've never known that they needed to pray for the exact amount of money to show up at that very moment in their lives - but God did. And He made it happen.

When we are seeking to grow in our knowledge of and love for Christ, making His Kingdom our primary concern above all other things in life, He promises to meet all our needs "according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 4:19). And even when we don't know what to pray for, His Spirit inside us does and He "intercedes for the saints according to the will of God" (Romans 8:27). I draw such comfort from that amazing truth! As long as we keep first things first (His Kingdom and righteousness), we will always have everything we need (emphasis on need, not want).

Of utmost importance to God is that we are continually becoming more and more like His Son. I can conjure some pretty skewed thinking in my little brain when I try to rely on my own strength to accomplish this, which inevitably leaves me bruised and battered from beating myself up over my failure to measure up to Christ's holiness. But, like Paul, by God's grace I am working on "forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead," continuing to "work out [my] salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in [me] to will and to act according to his good purpose" (Philippians 3: 13 and Philippians 2:12-13). My desire to grow more like Christ comes from God, not me (whew)! And not only that, He alone will actually DO the work in my heart, not me (double whew)!

Thing is, we can only become like someone if we actually spend time with them. Thus, prayer.

"The primary goal of prayer is relationship building

- to draw near to God"

-Stovall Weems

Drawing near to God in consistent times of prayer is one of the primary ways we get to know Him. I'm so grateful that God has shown me little areas of time in my day and week that I can devote to spending time with Him in prayer. It's not easy and it always involves self-sacrifice, but it is making such an impact in my daily walk with Him.

Specifically, He is teaching me to “not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God" ( Philippians 4:6). However, the main motivation for my prayers should always be "for the glory of God regardless of our personal comfort or preference" (S.Weems). Again, when we make the whole point of our existence - even what we pray for - singularly about the glory of God, true joy and contentment are the inevitable result!

We may not walk away from every communion with God in prayer feeling like anything monumental has taken place - we may even "feel" exactly how we felt before we took the time to pray. But we can rest assured that fervent prayer offered from a right standing of heart before God will have an eternal impact, even if we do not see it in our lifetime.

The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power

and produces wonderful results.

 - James 5:16

What is this "right standing"before God? It is what we graciously enjoy when we have become believers and God has credited to us Christ's righteousness. That being said, as we pray we must also be certain to confess any sins that are blocking us from intimacy with God. With these things in check, and keeping our hearts focused on what will truly bring glory to God, we can trust that by the His Spirit's power within us, our prayers will count for much in this life and the next!

I have seen countless "little" miracles throughout my life, and the aforementioned "check in the mail" story is just a drop in the proverbial bucket. It thrills me and rejuvenates my faith when God allows me to witness His power in such tangible, tender ways. But what I am even more excited about is how much He is answering my cries to be daily stripped of myself and further filled with His Spirit.

That, to me, is the biggest miracle of all.

It is a daily, moment by moment battle, but by His power, I keep pressing on.

Not that I have already obtained all this,

or have already arrived at my goal,

but I press on to take hold of that

for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.

- Philippians 3:12

Happy Kids

To be carried along by the power of the Lord,

To be faithfully molded in the patience of the Lord,

To be comforted by the constant presence of the Lord;

In these things do His children find deepest joy.

What Can Happen When the Body Works

"Vitruvian Man" by Leonardo Da Vinci

No matter where we are, we are never beyond the reach of God.

Even if you are in a season of blissful happiness right now, chances are you have been in (or will one day find yourself in) a dark pit of despair - something you never fathomed could happen to you. That is our lot in this life - we cannot escape our encounters with pain, as much as we desperately try to.

I am certain that my young friend who recently suffered the incomprehensible loss of her husband never dreamed she would ever have to endure such a crushing tragedy. No one is supposed to be widowed in their early thirties, suddenly facing the gaping hole of the loss of their best friend and father to their young child.

When I heard of my friend's loss, my heart was overwhelmed with grief for her. I prayed repeatedly for her comfort and peace, that she would somehow experience God's great mercy like never before in the midst of such a dark place. I know there were many others around her who continually lifted her up as well - and continue to do so even to this day.

And beyond even prayer, many within the local church were moved to action in the midst of my friend's crisis - reaching out with gifts and food. It was a sight to behold, watching perfect strangers sign up to take meal after meal to this hurting family, all because of a burning desire to show Christ's love in a tangible way.

Just this past week, I had the privilege to listen to my sweet friend as she shared through tears how much the Body of Christ's outpouring of compassion meant to her. Because of the Church's faithfulness to minister to her in her darkest hour, she is forever changed. She has experienced the love of God in a way she'd never known before, seeing Him as the kind, merciful, and loving Father that He truly is. She has begun regularly attending church and will even be dedicating her son soon, as well as being baptized herself! All praise to God for showing His miraculous power even in the midst of seemingly impossible despair.

When the Church operates in the Spirit-filled power it was designed to function, reaching out in Christ's love as only His Body can, amazing things can happen! Individual lives and whole families can be forever changed for the course of history. I am so grateful to have had the opportunity to see this happen in my friend's life! My own faith has been so renewed as I am reminded of the Lord's unstoppable desire to see His loved ones brought home to Him.

And even more, I have been so blessed to see firsthand what can happen when God's children truly operate in the unity to which they have been called by Christ (John 17). Too often the Church is known for its discord, for its foolish bickering over what are ultimately just preferences. But not always! And my prayer will continue to be not anymore.

Lord, let Your Body, Your Bride be so moved to love each other and the world in such a way that no one can deny Your power and Your Truth, which is Jesus.

The Will and the Work

Have I mentioned that I just love Jesus? ;)

It goes without saying (but I'll say it anyway) that there are literally countless things about Him to love. But what has most recently been added to my list of "Top Bajillion Things I Love About Jesus" is His uncanny ability to speak precisely what I need to hear precisely when I need to hear it.

Take earlier this week, for example. There I was, just barely, faintly offering up a prayer that God would show me in my Bible reading what I most needed to hear at that moment...when, BAM...He spoke.

The story of Jesus' encounter with the Samaritan woman at the well just happened to be the next chapter in my reading for the day. I'd read the story many times before, but this time, a part of it jumped out at me that I had never noticed (gotta love how God's living Word can do that!). Just to set the stage, while His disciples were off buying some food, Jesus uses His opportunity of solitude not to take a nap (weary as He surely was), but to have a life-changing conversation with a woman in desperate need of Truth. When His disciples return with food and urge Him to eat, He instead says,

"I have food to eat

that you know nothing about...

My food...is to do the will of him who sent me and to finish his work."

- John 4: 32 & 34

I can sadly say without hesitation that if it had been me in Jesus' shoes, I would've, a) slept or spaced out during the entire time the Samaritan woman was in my presence, and b) thrown down a serious munch as soon as my friends returned with some grub - maybe even forgetting to thank God for my food.

But not our Lord Jesus. He had such an urgency and single-mindedness of mission that putting aside His own physical comfort was just a way of life (and ultimately death) for Him.

Head spinning, I put down my Bible after reading this incredible snapshot of Christ's diligence in humility and compassion, and asked myself these hard questions:

- What is "the will" and "the work" that God sends me out to do?

- What things are more important to me than doing God's will and work everyday?

First things first, I believe God's ultimate will is that I love Him through His Son Jesus above all else (see Matt. 22:37). Then, from that place of love, I believe I am called to love those He has put around me (see Matt. 22:39). To me that is, in a nutshell, the will and the work of God in my life. Everything else stems from there.

I am to keep the eyes of my heart constantly turned to Jesus all throughout my day, seeking to know and love Him more and more every moment I am alive. Then I am to reflect His love to those in my path as a response to His love. I have no love to give of my own accord. It is only through His love flowing through me that I can "do the work" of loving others.

So, what keeps me from continually doing God's will and work in my life? What other things do I find more important? Where do my priorities get out of whack? Why am I more often found napping or munching when I should be loving and serving?

Again, I am hit with the sad reality that I still struggle with the lie that other things in this world will bring me more satisfaction than Jesus. In my humanity, I am inclined to turn to the "junk foods" of idolatry - the "foods" I think will satisfy, but always end up leaving me empty and sick - instead of the Bread of Life, which is Christ, who alone can fully satisfy.

When I am tired and weary and bored and discouraged and insecure...I really do not need a piece of cake, or a caramel macchiato, or a chick flick or even a nap (precious as those things can be in the right context!). What I really need, what will truly fill me up and restore me...is more Jesus.

Oh, sweet, merciful Father, forgive me for the countless times I have turned to "junk foods" to feel satisfied instead of spending time with You, the Bread of Life and Living Water! Remind me constantly by the promptings of Your precious Holy Spirit that loving You and loving others in response to Your love are the only things that will ever fill my hungry soul.

Thank You for Your faithfulness and patience.

Amen.

Chunks of Chocolate and Glops of Gravy

Heading out of town for a much-needed date night, hubby asks me to pop in some good music.

"I know - our wedding CD," he grins, referring to the compilation of our favorite songs that we handed out as thank-yous to folks who came to our Mexico destination wedding.

"Ah, yes," I agree, taking a deep breath and resting my weary head back as the entrancing Spanish guitar nearly lulls me to sleep.

I'm quickly snapped back from my mini-nap when hubby says, "It's so funny, cause when I think to the outset of our marriage and how I imagined life would be, I gotta say it's so different now than what I dreamed it would be."

"Eh?" I'm thinking. "What's he getting at here?"

"You mean..." I probe.

"I mean, in my mind back then, I envisioned one continual backyard cookout with the kids and all our friends, just relaxing and enjoying uninterrupted quality time with our perfect little dream-family. No one stressing out over where the kids are, if someone is about to eat dirt or fall in a pool. I had no idea how much more...work it was going to be!" he says.

"Hmmmph..." I scowl.

"But honestly, it's so much...better than I ever imagined. So much richer and deeper," he finishes.

"Well, thank you!" I think.

We go on to laugh about how it's a good thing most folks are so clueless as to how hard marriage and kids are before they take the plunge, otherwise our species might die out! But of course, the beauty is that even if it's possibly the most difficult thing we'll ever do, it is by far one of the most rewarding and fulfilling. And for me, the most educating. I have learned more about myself and God in the past 4 1/2 years than I did in the 29 years prior. That's some crazy God-math.

Arriving at our highly anticipated dinner destination - a romantic restaurant with a highly-touted chef - we giddily pore over the menu, finally settling on an appetizer of bacon-wrapped stuffed jalapenos, followed by a wedge salad and veal Marsala for our entree. It'd been a long time since we'd had such a fancy culinary experience and, being the foodies that we are, each minute waiting for what we knew would be an explosion of tastiness seemed to drag by.

Finally, the beautifully presented cream-cheese stuffed, bacony-delicious jalapenos arrive.

"Mmmmm," hubby grins as he serves me one. I close my eyes and gingerly take a bite, awaiting the taste explosion aforementioned. Instead, what I get is a tiny taste burst, quickly followed by a whole lot of...pain.

"They're a little hot," I grimace, sweat beading up on my nose. Hubby's eyes soon begin to water as he spasmodically nods his chewing head in agreement. We muscle through the appetizer disappointment, still clinging to high hopes for the salad and entree. But alas, our hopes are dashed as the salad proves watery and semi-tasteless and the entree, although it is not bad, is something akin to what we could've cooked on our own.

"Should we split a dessert?" Hubby, ever the optimist, suggests. Since I am a recovering sweet-aholic and have not had dessert in what seemed an eternity, I concur, "love to!"

We speedily agree on the German Chocolate pie (because, if you're gonna go for dessert, why mess around with anything that's not chocolate!?).

Now this...THIS is what redeems our dining experience. It takes us easily half an hour to finish this one tiny sliver of pie, as we slowly savor each delectable bite, locking eyes and nodding our heads, our only utterance being "mmmmm...."

When it's finally all gone (sniff), we walk out of our beautiful restaurant into the starry night, satisfied.

That's life, isn't it? We have it in our heads that each course of the experience is going to be (or at least should be) a mind-blowing explosion of sweetness. Instead we find our plates full of meltdowns, demands, short attention spans, ungratefulness, and sleep-deprivation, followed by a nice helping of dirty laundry, traffic and the never-ending sinkful of dishes.

If we're not careful, that's all we'll see everyday.

If we're not careful, we'll walk away from each day having missed the sweet moments. Because they are there. We just have to have our eyes open, looking for them.

If we're not careful to keep our eyes searching for the sacred moments, we will, by default, miss them. They can be sneaky little chunks of chocolatey sweetness, hiding under piles of distractions and our self-imposed "to do" lists. But they are there, even in the midst of our most severe pain.

When we finally make the decision to force our gaze away from the pains of life,
the failures of our flesh,
the "what ifs" that paralyze us with fear and keep us from ever taking a risky leap of faith forward,
the false comforters with which we desperately try to numb ourselves...

and our weary eyes come to rest on the beautiful presence of Christ, who is just waiting for us to "take heart" in Him and find true peace because He has overcome the world (John 16:33)...

then we will finally have life to the full!

Until that point, as C.S. Lewis so masterfully paints us,

"We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased." (The Weight of Glory)

I am convinced that God gives us the sweet moments to point us to Himself - so that we can find true fulfillment in an intimate relationship with Him and fathomless strength for the inevitable struggles that life brings. We were meant to worship the Creator, not the creation, after all (Romans 1:25), to let the good things in life point us to the Good Gift Giver. The sweet gifts are not designed to hold our hearts forever. They fall woefully short for the task. They will always melt into a gloppy mess, leaving us hungry again.

When we finally learn that His love will always be enough, we will stop searching for more and more fleeting sweet moments - because although they are nice when they come, they can never (and were never intended to) fulfill us. In fact, if all we ever had was sweetness, our "taste buds" would eventually grow dull and we would lose our ability to truly enjoy the blessings.

With the knowledge that true fulfillment, real purpose and meaning in life come only from a vibrant relationship with my Creator, I am freed up to simply enjoy exactly where God has me for this season. All of life is sprinkled with holy moments and sweet, sacred glimpses of the eternal. Nothing in my life is meaningless, and I can stop looking for "something else out there" to provide me with a sense of significance - because I am significant in Christ! The rest is just gravy.

Or chocolate, whichever you prefer.

Dealing with the Daily Junk (a prayer)

sunrise over the Sea of Galilee

⁸ Let me hear of your unfailing love 
each morning,
for I am trusting you.
Show me where to walk,
for I give myself to you.
-Psalm 143:8

Father, I thank You for the precious time You grant me in the mornings to spend with You (even if it's just a few minutes of solitude before my little ones miraculously sense that someone in the house is awake!). There is something so sacred about those dark, predawn hours when most of the world is still sleeping, except You, of course. Even though, at that point, my brain is barely getting fired back up and I still have sleep in my eyes, my heart has yet to get all cluttered with the cares of my day, and I can somehow hear You more clearly.

Invariably my soul's first response toward You is awe and praise...followed quickly by the daily realization that I fall severely short of Your holiness. Each morning brings me to the same place of remembering my continual failings...

but in Your grace, You do not leave me there.

As the psalm says, You remind me of Your unfailing love toward me, that what You have started, You will finish (Philippians 1:6). You will never give up on me, and because I have given myself to You, You will "show me where to walk." Even if the path is a rocky one - and most of the time the rocks are in the shape of my own poor choices - because of Your unfailing love, You will continue to gently lead me down the path of deliverance from the sin in my heart, for the sake of Your glorious name.

You will:

  ⁹ Rescue me from my enemies, Lord;
I run to you to hide me.
¹⁰ Teach me to do your will,
for you are my God.
May your gracious Spirit lead me forward
on a firm footing.
¹¹ For the glory of your name, O Lord, 
preserve my life.
Because of your faithfulness, 
bring me out of this distress.

I thank You, Lord, that I do not need to run from You when I feel the weight of my humanity - instead, You call me to run TO You, even to hide in the shadow of Your wings. You will "rescue me from my enemies", which is my sin struggle. You will "preserve my life" and "lead me forward on a firm footing" - I have seen You do it in the past, and I know You will be faithful to keep at it as long as You lend me breath. It is You who will have the victory in my life. Nothing is possible in my own power, but You will "encourage me by giving me strength" (Psalm 138:3).

Let my obedience to You be motivated purely by my love for You - let it never be a futile attempt to make myself feel better or somehow make You love me more.

Merciful Creator, thank You for Your faithful patience with me each day...I rest in the knowledge that You will never give up on me, and that You love me just as much now in my junk as You will when I am one day made perfect in heaven. You are so good!

Amen!

Can't Get No Satisfaction?

By and large, most of us are so saturated with abundance in this country - particularly in the suburbs - that our perception of what are our real needs versus what are only our wants has become horribly skewed. From birth we're told by countless sources that if you want something, you deserve to have it. Self-denial is almost shunned. We are all about gaining and consuming as much as we possibly can, and we've been falsely led to believe that if we can just have/ingest/partake in _______, then we'll be happy.

Here's the problem with that line of thinking: we are all little Mick Jaggers deep down.

When it comes to trying to shove one more shiny trinket into our pockets just so we will hopefully feel complete, inevitably we find that we just can't get no satisfaction. These trinkets can manifest themselves as any number of material things (clothes, cars, houses, boats, home decor, the latest electronic gadget - the list is endless), or perhaps even as grand life "experiences" (pleasure from food/alcohol, traveling, hobbies, parties, accomplishment), and even the collection of people (social status, friends, spouse, children, boyfriend/girlfriend). Most of these things are not bad in and of themselves and can have a healthy place in our lives. But if you're like me, you've found yourself time and time again baffled by the fact that you're putting your daily hope in one or more of these faltering, dissatisfying trinkets of life.

Until we allow the Holy Spirit to wake and shake us up, we are blind to our predicament. Left to itself, this blindness leads to a sort of spiritual lulling to sleep - we become complacent and bland, lacking in any real passion for life because what we're counting on to provide that passion falls disappointingly short every time. We may look around and think we're doing good, smug in our estimation that we've made it pretty far in life. We think we have all we want and don't really need anything, even God Himself.

In Revelation 3:17-20, Christ speaks to this predicament:

¹⁷ You say, ‘I am rich. I have everything I want. I don’t need a thing!’ And you don’t realize that you are wretched and miserable and poor and blind and naked. ¹⁸ So I advise you to buy gold from me—gold that has been purified by fire.
Then you will be rich.

Also buy white garments from me so you will not be shamed by your nakedness,

and ointment for your eyes so you will be able to see.

¹⁹ I correct and discipline everyone I love. So be diligent and
turn from your indifference.
²⁰ “Look! I stand at the door and knock. If you hear my voice and open the door, I will come in, and we will share a meal together as friends.

Wretched? Miserable? Poor? Blind? Naked? That's not what most of us see when we look at the average middle class American flying down the interstate in their trinket of choice. But, as we know, God looks at the inside of a person, not the outside (see 1 Samuel 16:7).

And do you also notice that Christ ends this chapter in Revelation not with a blast of righteous wrath, rejecting and shunning those who have fallen into this trap of self-seeking? No, he gently reaches out to us feeble little things (he knows we are only dust, Psalm 103:14) and pleads with us to turn from our indifference toward him. He desires that we find true riches, and that we be restored to him as friends - and from what I can tell, he even wants to cook us dinner (imagine how seriously tasty THAT will be)!

I want to daily be reminded of what brings true, lasting riches: putting my hope in Christ. I'll be honest, as a broken and weak human, it is not an easy task - especially when we are surrounded by such American excess at every turn. That is why I do my best to daily counteract the toll this flood of abundance takes on my soul by spending time with my Father in his Word, asking him to make my mind like his. Just this morning he reminded me of one of my favorite Proverbs (30:8-9):

...give me neither poverty nor riches!
Give me just enough to satisfy my needs.
⁹ For if I grow rich, I may deny you and say, “Who is the Lord?”
And if I am too poor, I may steal and thus insult God’s holy name.

For a season of my life, I knew all too well what it meant to struggle with financial hardship, just praying you have enough money in the bank till the next paycheck comes in. But even in that dark place, God always provided for my needs (Psalm 37:25). I pray I'm never led to walk down that rough path again, but even if I am, I am confident that the Lord provides for his children.

And even more than a prayer against poverty, I know that what I really should continually pray against is the temptation to allow the lure of abundance to cause me to deny my desperate need for God. Only in him alone can we ever really acquire the true joy, passion, security, and peace for which we are all designed to hunger.

Christ alone satisfies.

(somebody should really tell Mick.)

Stay Calm and Don't Move (lessons learned from bees, babies and David)

I am not a fan of flying, stinging insects. Bees, wasps, hornets, yellow jackets (just writing their names gives me chills). I am very much in dislike of them. I'll just go ahead and say I loathe them, and truly it's no stretch to admit that I'm even a bit on the phobic side about them.

Of course, naturally, this means that they have a great affection for me - so much so that I cannot even count the amount of times they have so lovingly sunk their little stingers deep into my flesh (in the most random of places, might I add: back of the neck, foot, thumb, eyelid), even leaving a scar on my shin from one darling bee who crawled up my acid-washed overalls on my bus ride home from school in the 4th grade (guess my "tight roll" just wasn't tight enough).

Since these critters have so clearly declared me as Archnemesis #1, it stands to reason that I find it mighty hard to just "stay calm and don't move," as so many brave souls encourage me to do whenever one of them buzzes near. I really do try. But as soon as my tortured radar picks up that flying stinger, I lose all sense of reason and instantaneously transform into a panicking, screaming, running, flailing spaz. How other people just, "stay calm and don't move," is beyond my comprehension.

Sad thing is, I've found that this instinctive tendency to freak out doesn't just limit itself to my response to flying insects of the stinging variety. I've battled with keeping my perspective on "living in the moment" for most of my life, but never so much since becoming a parent.

I remember lying in my hospital bed after giving birth for the first time, just waiting to feel that overwhelming sense of instant love that everyone said I would for this precious little thing who would soon call me Mom. But as I stared at his tiny, swaddled, sleeping body, it was fear and anxiety that won the battle for my emotional state. In those first few moments, I was flat-out overcome with the mammoth task that now lay before me: I was co-responsible for helping this little baby develop into a decent human being. How in the WORLD does someone as messed up as me even begin to tackle that job? It was all too much to fathom. I felt like someone had dropped a bomb onto my already wiped-out body, and all I wanted to do was sink into that bed and pull the covers over my head.

Thankfully, just as He has done countless times before, God spoke to my panicking heart in that moment and gently reminded me that all I really had to do at that point (and at least for those first few weeks) was just to make sure my baby was: 1) fed and, 2) clean. That, for the time being, would be enough. I could do that! And as his little body grew and he became more complex, God would show me with each stage of growth how to take care of his needs, baby step by baby step. My spirit instantly began to brighten, and I was able to release my grip on a load that was never mine to fully bear and return it to the only One whose strength is limitless. 

Since that first moment of realizing the awesome weight of parenthood, I have inevitably found myself trying to take back that load of "figuring it all out" in other facets of life. When I take my eyes off Christ, I cannot help but begin to fret over the little stingers of life just waiting to pierce my heart. And as I allow my feeble brain to spend too much time on one area of concern for the future, I only find myself deeper and deeper in a state of confusion and worry. Invariably, worry only begets more worry, so I'll naturally start to tack on a whole list of more "what ifs" to my original concern. Even my prayers start to become self-absorbed times of worrying to God, instead of resting in His presence and seeking His will for my life.

So, what's a worrier to do?

David had the answer, when he wrote in Psalm 131:

¹ Lord, my heart is not proud;
      my eyes are not haughty.
   I don’t concern myself with matters too great
      or too awesome for me to grasp.
 ² Instead, I have calmed and quieted myself,
      like a weaned child who no longer cries for its mother’s milk.
      Yes, like a weaned child is my soul within me.

 ³ O Israel, put your hope in the Lord—
      now and always.

Whether we realize it or not, when we worry ourselves over "matters too great or too awesome for me to grasp" (which is most of life), we are really being prideful, putting our hope in our own abilities to plan and scheme and create safety nets. We find ourselves looking under every rock and around every corner, trying desperately to anticipate what might be coming down the pipe next.

Instead, God wants us to just stay calm and not move, "like a weaned child who no longer cries for its mother's milk." We are to become like trusting little children, who rest quietly in our Daddy's lap, knowing that He will provide for all our needs in His perfect timing.

As Beth Moore says, as children of God, nothing in our lives is left to chance. Nothing happens by accident. God is able to take all areas of our lives, even the most painful parts, and work everything out for our good and His glory.

In the end, it really is all good. Who knew!?

And I am beginning to more deeply understand the meaning of and value God places on having a childlike faith. Children wake up each day clueless of the agenda, and yet they have a natural, peaceful trust that their parents will take care of them, regardless of what the day brings. When we seek to walk as they do, we are freed up from the pride and panic that can beat us down - and we can instead simply rest happily in our Daddy's arms, for our hope is in Him alone.

Father, forgive me that I am not more often like a weaned child in your arms, but instead I cry out to you for answers, for clarity, for more light - when what I desperately need more than these things is simple trust that You will show me exactly what I need to know, when I need to know it, 

each baby step of the way.

 

Today's Tender Rebuke

disclaimer: neither parent placed these stickers on his face :)

Eyes shut to the hardness of my own heart,
I fumble about our little home,
correcting this attitude,
disciplining that failure,
all the while growing
more
and more
impatient.

I adore my children.
But I am to the breaking point,
and I grit my teeth as I do my best
to not scream!

It is there,
in that place
when my heart is on the verge of
spewing all its latent ugliness,
that I hear You gently whisper,

"You are just like them."

A loving rebuke to Your child.

Thank you, Father, for that
much-needed reminder:
How can I demand that my
babies act any better than
I'm acting on the inside?

We are all desperate for You.
Thank You that You do not
leave us to ourselves.
Thank You that You use
Your Word to teach us:

"Can a blind man lead a blind man? Will they not both fall into a pit? A student is not above his teacher, but everyone who is fully trained will be like his teacher...You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye." (Luke 6: 39-40, 42)

And thank You for
Your patience with me,
even when mine
runs thin with
the precious little ones
You have so mercifully given me.

My heart longs to be like You,
the perfect Parent,
my Teacher,
to be fully trained by You.
Although it hurts at the time,
I cherish Your tender rebukes.
They mean You truly love me.

And even though I know
I am not all that I should be,
I am not who I once was.
You are growing me.
Bit by bit.

Amen!

Take heart!

We are frail and fragile. Weak and worn down. Grasping for hope and hanging by a thread.

All of us.

This is the nature with which we were born, with which we will all die. And I hate to be the one to break it to you, but even if you've staked your claim on the cross of Christ, if you've taken the free gift of salvation that was ushered in on the morning of his resurrection - in short, if you are a Christian - you are still susceptible to feeling beaten down and tossed about by life's storms. Hang with me here, because here comes a...

But... (aren't you glad there's a "but"?!)

even if there are times when you feel like you're floating over an abyss, barely hanging on to a crumbling lifeboat by your shaky little pinky finger...

you will not drown.

As a believer, whether you feel like it or not, you are always safe in the hands of your Redeemer. You will not be overcome by life's trials.

Not because of your ability to "dig deep" and "tough it out," but because the Spirit of Christ who lives in you is the great Overcomer. He said in John 16: 33, "In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

And as he promises in Isaiah 54, he will not allow the floodwaters of life's troubles to sweep us away:

⁹ “To me this is like the days of Noah,
when I swore that the waters of Noah would never again cover the earth.
So now I have sworn not to be angry with you,
never to rebuke you again.
¹⁰ Though the mountains be shaken
and the hills be removed,
yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken
nor my covenant of peace be removed,”
says the LORD, who has compassion on you.

Even if the very bedrock of what we cling to in our lives, our own personal mountain ranges that we tell ourselves are impenetrable, even if these were to crumble into dust and be washed away into the sea...we would not be ruined. Because although we would inevitably feel for a moment that we were completely abandoned and hopeless, we would soon find that our feet were still standing on the solid foundation of Christ's immovable, unfailing love.

No amount of life's twists and turns and tragedies can separate us from his love (Romans 8:38-39).

From birth, we prove ourselves to be such good little builders. As our toddler years slip into our teenage years, it doesn't take long for our cities made of legos or lincoln logs to eventually morph themselves into our own personal cities of what we think we need to thrive in this life: relationships, acceptance, success, pleasure...the list is endless.

And if in God's great, fathomless love, he allows our "cities" that we have erected to be torn down, he will not leave us in the rubble, rummaging about, trying to rebuild on our own.

Instead, if we turn to his Son, he promises:

¹¹ “Afflicted city, lashed by storms and not comforted,
I will rebuild you with stones of turquoise,
   your foundations with lapis lazuli.
¹² I will make your battlements of rubies,
your gates of sparkling jewels,
and all your walls of precious stones.
¹³ All your children will be taught by the LORD,
and great will be their peace.

 
Although when life brings pain we may feel poor, even totally bankrupt of soul, God promises that he is the great Rebuilder of frail human lives. He, and he alone, is able to make a person truly rich - rich in peace, hope, and an ever-abiding sense of his love

(which is what our efforts at "city building" is all about, whether we realize it or not).

And when we allow him to rebuild the wrecked state of our souls, he promises that the peace that we have in our own hearts can be passed on to the children with which he has blessed us.

Oh, how I cling to this promise - that the things I have allowed to wreak havoc in my life will not be passed on to my precious little ones. I seek to make every effort to teach my children about my great God, knowing that he will bless that and that "great will be their peace." I am fully aware that every individual has his or her own free will, but I also believe that God will bless the lives of children whose parents seek, albeit imperfectly and in God's strength alone, to teach them what it means to walk authentically with his Son. 

And finally, the Lord continues with his promises to his servants that:

¹⁴ In righteousness you will be established:
Tyranny will be far from you;
you will have nothing to fear.
Terror will be far removed;
it will not come near you.
¹⁵ If anyone does attack you, it will not be my doing;
whoever attacks you will surrender to you.
¹⁶ “See, it is I who created the blacksmith
who fans the coals into flame
and forges a weapon fit for its work.
And it is I who have created the destroyer to wreak havoc;
¹⁷ no weapon forged against you will prevail,
and you will refute every tongue that accuses you.
This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD,
and this is their vindication from me,”
declares the LORD.

As Christ so openly told us, life this side of heaven would bring troubles. This is not news to anyone. There will be attacks by the weapons of the evil one. I have found this especially true in times of exhaustion, times when I feel dull of heart, or when God just seems silent in my life. Then the attacks come, often in the forms of discouragement, doubt, and disillusionment.

But...(yay! another "but"!)

because I have been established in righteousness (Christ's righteousness, not my own feeble attempts at it), none of these weapons can ultimately stand a chance. God has allowed them in my life to refine my faith - he may even allow them to wound me for the sake of a greater good that I cannot yet comprehend,

but he will never let them prevail over me!

This is the great heritage of the servants of the Lord:

hope of his forgiveness when we feel abandoned, ashamed, and afraid;

his unfailing, restoring love when all of life comes crashing down;

and a firm foundation of his protection when we are inevitably attacked by life's troubles.

When we give our lives to the King of all and are adopted into his family, it only stands to reason that our inheritance be one of endless wonder and riches beyond all comprehension. We may catch glimpses of it on this earth, but they are just shadows of the fathomless joy we will walk in moment by moment when we enter eternity.

Come, Lord Jesus!

Hope when we feel abandoned, ashamed and afraid (that pretty much covers all of us at some point)

      Isaiah 54: 1 - 8

Although I am no theologian (as aforementioned!) - just a girl who desperately wants to love and know God better - it seems to me that one of the beautiful things about God's Word is that it can be understood in a broad, time-and-place, historical sense and at the same time be taken in a completely personal sense - just as God Himself is both infinite Creator and also intimate Father. So it stands to reason that his Word can have implications for the far-off future but also for your present moment here and now on this crazy side of eternity. To me, Isaiah 54 is particularly one of those chapters in God's Word that can be understood from both perspectives.

It begins:

¹ “Sing, barren woman,
you who never bore a child;
burst into song, shout for joy,
you who were never in labor;
because more are the children of the desolate woman
than of her who has a husband,”
says the LORD.

The first time I ever read this promise, I smirked in disbelief because I felt very much like a barren woman, and my life was in a seemingly terribly desolate place. I had never birthed a child and honestly, I didn't even dare hope I ever would. Shamefully, I thought it to be beyond God's mercy in my life.

But oh...was I wrong! I love it when I'm wrong - at least on this point! Little did I know that in just a few years after I first read these verses I would have not one, not two, but THREE little miracles of my own. Talk about God's ability to turn the course of our lives on a dime. I've been up to my eyeballs in diapers for the past few years living this one out! Here's a little bit of proof:

Big Guy (3), Sweet Pie (2), and Birdy Baby (6 mo.)

I also believe these verses speak to the spiritual children of the Church at large. Christ's coming ushered in the beginning of a "full house," calling to him believers from all over the world, so much so that God says to:

² “Enlarge the place of your tent,
stretch your tent curtains wide,
do not hold back;
lengthen your cords,
strengthen your stakes.
³ For you will spread out to the right and to the left;
your descendants will dispossess nations
and settle in their desolate cities.

When we are faithful to God's call to shepherd the children he has placed in our paths, whether they are our own flesh and blood or our spiritual children, I believe he in turn will be faithful to our efforts. He certainly was to the apostles of the early church as they sought to raise spiritual children.

God continues on with a command and another promise:

⁴ “Do not be afraid; you will not be put to shame.
Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated.
You will forget the shame of your youth
and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood.

Anybody else out there like the sound of that? Would anybody else like to just carve out chunks of their past and toss them far out into the ocean, never again having to worry that they might wash back ashore in a wave of shame?

There have been countless times when all I have wanted to do is to forget the shame of my youth and the reproach of the failure of others in my life. Here God promises that I will! And, true to that promise, I am so grateful to say that I have. So much of the darkness of my past has been burned up and purified by the light of the Life that is within me. Not that I am "blocking it out" or just telling myself to forget the past, but the memory of my dark times no longer lurks in the shadows of my mind, threatening to overwhelm me. I have been healed from their power over my mind. Yes, Satan does his best, and sometimes succeeds, to pry from memory something that I would rather not recall - but it does not penetrate my heart and mind the way it used to.

The power of my past is broken because Christ has borne my sins on the cross, scorning their shame for me (Hebrews 12: 2). I do not have to suffer the shame of my sins anymore because Jesus did it for me! And ultimately any remnant of painful memories have been taken captive by Christ's redeeming work on the cross to simply serve as beautiful reminders of God's profound grace in my life.

He truly has the power to work all things for the good of those who love him (Romans 8:28). In fact, he specializes in it.

These next few verses just floor me:

⁵ For your Maker is your husband—
the LORD Almighty is his name—
the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer;
he is called the God of all the earth.
⁶ The LORD will call you back
as if you were a wife deserted and distressed in spirit—
a wife who married young,
only to be rejected,” says your God. 

Even when we are rejected or treated as "less than" by those who have vowed to love us, we can cling to this amazing truth - that ultimately, the LORD Almighty is our true husband (or, for you guys, the true Lover of your soul)!

People will, by nature, fail us. Nobody, sad to say, is fully trustworthy, save the One who made us. And amazingly that One wants us! Pitiful, crazy, mixed up, inconsistent, unfaithful, selfish, sorry me. And you (yes, you).


We find true wisdom when we put our hope in the eternal One alone, not another fallen, fallible, finite creature.

Christ alone is the Holy One.

Christ alone is our Redeemer.

And when we turn to and trust him,

⁶ The LORD will call you back
as if you were a wife deserted and distressed in spirit—
a wife who married young,
only to be rejected,” says your God.
⁷ “For a brief moment I abandoned you,
but with deep compassion I will bring you back.
⁸ In a surge of anger
I hid my face from you for a moment,
but with everlasting kindness
I will have compassion on you,”
says the LORD your Redeemer.

Have you known a time when you felt forsaken and abandoned by God? If we are honest, most of us answer in the affirmative.

But even if we have felt that way - be it when we have allowed sin to separate us from his nearness, or when the pain of just living on this broken earth caused his presence to feel a million miles away - the Lord will never leave us nor forsake us (Deuteronomy 31:6).

Those feelings of being forsaken, in the grand scheme of things, are temporary. But what is eternal, what is everlasting is his kindness and compassion on us.

Feelings flee and change, but our God cannot. His mercy and love for his servants will go on into eternity. May we not only seek to experience it now in our everyday lives, but also look forward to the hope of dwelling in the presence of our God of unending kindness in the (not-so-distant) eternal future - our heritage as his servants both now and in that great Day to come.

My Trifecta of Faceplants (or "How I Got Here")

Isaiah 54

Everyone has a story. Mine is far from glamorous and not very exciting, at least from the world's point of view. But before I begin to lay bare my inmost thoughts on the glimpses of God's goodness intertwined through our everyday lives, I figured it best to start from the beginning to let you know how I came to this place. I'm not a theologian, but I do know how God has worked in my life, and it is my great joy to share it.

In God's great mercy, he purposed for me to be born into a family that has historically loved him. So, naturally, I've been around Scripture since I drew my first breath.

As he promises it would, God's Word does not return void - it will do what he sends it out to do (Isaiah 55:11). And if he sees fit to send his Spirit to call you to him, then that Word will stir your heart till you can't even stand it anymore.

Thus, conversion.

For me, it happened when I was nine. I remember sitting in that little sanctuary, so floored with the weight of my sinfulness (even though I had yet to commit any really "big" ones) that I felt like my Keds would be permanently stuck to the ground. But eventually they did move, all the way back to the pale green carpet of my bedroom floor, where I collapsed in tears (faceplant #1). I was overcome. As overcome as a third grader can be, anyway. I knew I desperately needed a Savior. Someone else bigger than me to get me out of the mess that was my hard heart.

Christ was reaching out his hand to me, so in desperate gratitude, I grasped it. He has yet to let go.

In that moment, I believe he sealed me tight with his Spirit. My eternal destiny was settled and secure. He gave me a new, tender heart of flesh...but I still had that rotten sin nature that I'll continue to have till the day I die. And as much as I loved my beautiful Savior, I had a powerful lust for so much more.

It took me a long time to realize that nothing would satisfy that gaping whole in my heart other than more of him. It took me way too long. Long enough to allow more and more of the sin in my heart, the world, and Satan's lies to penetrate and take root in my life, leading me to commit such horrific acts that I sometimes cannot even bear to remember them. Thank the Lord that because of his mercy lavished upon us when we confess and repent, he will not remember them (Hebrews 8:12).

But the scars are still there in my own heart. And funny thing is, although they are painful, I love those scars - because they will forever serve as a reminder of the great, overcoming grace of the sweet Lover of my soul. They are scars because they are healed, and only he can truly do that.

The first healing came around the time that I was starting my senior year of college when, although I had fought hard against it, I eventually found myself in a deep pit of depression, weighed down by the all-consuming regret from my wrong choices. Up to this point, I had spent years seeking after anything and anyone who would quench my thirst for significance, for acceptance, for a sense of worth. That futile quest had left me at the end of my rope with nothing to show for all my searching except the sadness that swallowed me up every minute I was awake.

I didn't know what else to do, who else to talk to except the One who made me, who saw me daily desperately wallowing in the mire of my self-dug pit. So, I grabbed the only Book that I still believed had the true answers to my awful pain, and although I was pretty sure God was deeply hurt (and, as scared as I was to admit it, profoundly angry) over the life I had been living (all the while claiming to be his daughter - I'd even become a Religion major in college), I cried out to him for mercy anyway.

And he heard. He heard! In his great, fathomless compassion, he heard my pitiful cry. I remember for three days in a row, I'd be getting ready for classes in the morning and the deep sorrow I had for my choices would just wash over me so strongly that I'd be literally knocked to the floor in a heap of tears. On that third day of pounding my fists in the ground (faceplant #2), crying out for forgiveness, I reached over and grabbed my Bible, and through a cloud of tears, God led my eyes to rest on Matthew 11: 28-30, where Jesus says, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Although I had been told that Jesus loves me my entire life and had even made a profession of faith in his redemption offered through the cross, at that moment it was as if I heard that truth for the first time. I was astounded that he truly was offering me forgiveness and rest...blessed rest. That all I had to do was give my huge burden of sin over to him and he would take it from me. I was weary - bone weary - and burdened beyond bearing, and he was offering rest.

I was delivered. And I have literally never been the same. Praise GOD!

That was the beginning of what I know is my true walk with my precious Savior. After that first deliverance - what I see as my own personal Exodus from the slavery of my sin - he allowed me to spend a season in the wilderness, just like he did his beloved Israel. Thankfully mine wasn't 40 years, but after 5 1/2 years in, it was beginning to feel that long! Again, I found myself begging God for deliverance, although it was from a different, less self-made pit this time. For many days I had fasted and prayed for him to give me his guidance, his direction, his mercy, his light.

And as he had done for me years before, he heard my cry again. I remember lying face down on the floor (alas, faceplant #3), pleading with him for his will in my life at that moment, telling him that I wasn't moving until I heard from only him. Then, like I had never experienced before, I "heard" in my heart the words, "Isaiah 54". I knew I hadn't come up with those words because, sadly, I wasn't sure there even was a 54th chapter of Isaiah! I had heard verses from Isaiah 53 quoted many times before, but never anything from the next chapter over. But with shaking hands, I went ahead and flipped my Bible open, half thinking the verses would be about something completely irrelevant to what I was facing, or worse no chapter at all....(oh, you of little faith!)

Instead I found myself amazed and overjoyed to the point of laughter through the tears streaming down my face as I read that chapter that was so clearly meant for my life, so plainly answering the profound questions I had, guiding my steps as only my loving Father can. Only God has the power to use his Word to cut through right to where our hearts are most needy, to speak so perfectly to what we need to hear when we need to hear it. I soaked it up, and I encourage you to do the same. Take your time, read it slowly as you listen for God's Truth in your life:

“Sing, barren woman,
you who never bore a child;
burst into song, shout for joy,
you who were never in labor;
because more are the children of the desolate woman
than of her who has a husband,”
says the LORD.
² “Enlarge the place of your tent,
stretch your tent curtains wide,
do not hold back;
lengthen your cords,
strengthen your stakes.
³ For you will spread out to the right and to the left;
your descendants will dispossess nations
and settle in their desolate cities.
⁴ “Do not be afraid; you will not be put to shame.
Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated.
You will forget the shame of your youth
and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood.
⁵ For your Maker is your husband—
the LORD Almighty is his name—
the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer;
he is called the God of all the earth.
⁶ The LORD will call you back
as if you were a wife deserted and distressed in spirit—
a wife who married young, only to be rejected,” says your God.
⁷ “For a brief moment I abandoned you,
but with deep compassion I will bring you back.
⁸ In a surge of anger
I hid my face from you for a moment,
but with everlasting kindness
I will have compassion on you,”
says the LORD your Redeemer.
⁹ “To me this is like the days of Noah,
when I swore that the waters of Noah would never again cover the earth.
So now I have sworn not to be angry with you,
never to rebuke you again.
¹⁰ Though the mountains be shaken
and the hills be removed,
yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken
nor my covenant of peace be removed,”
says the LORD, who has compassion on you.
¹¹ “Afflicted city, lashed by storms and not comforted,
I will rebuild you with stones of turquoise,^[a]
your foundations with lapis lazuli.
¹² I will make your battlements of rubies,
your gates of sparkling jewels,
and all your walls of precious stones.
¹³ All your children will be taught by the LORD,
and great will be their peace.
¹⁴ In righteousness you will be established:
Tyranny will be far from you;
you will have nothing to fear.
Terror will be far removed;
it will not come near you.
¹⁵ If anyone does attack you, it will not be my doing;
whoever attacks you will surrender to you.
¹⁶ “See, it is I who created the blacksmith
who fans the coals into flame
and forges a weapon fit for its work.
And it is I who have created the destroyer to wreak havoc;
¹⁷ no weapon forged against you will prevail,
and you will refute every tongue that accuses you.
This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD,
and this is their vindication from me,”
declares the LORD."

As I had done after my first deliverance, I arose from that floor a new woman - a woman who knew without a shadow of a doubt that the Lord hears me, he is with me, and he will forever guide my steps. I knew what he wanted for me in that moment in my life and that I could go forward without a hint of doubt. And I did. My question was answered, and all he wanted me to do was to believe and obey. So, in his strength, I did.

Life has never been the same since, and even though there have inevitably been ups and downs in the years succeeding this pinnacle, I have clung to Isaiah 54 as God's great promise for my life. At the time he first revealed it to me, I didn't even dare to hope that all the verses could possibly apply to me. Only a particular section truly resonated in my heart at that place in my life. But as only God is able, he has miraculously poured out his blessings, both physically and spiritually, in ways I could've never dreamed, just as he promises in that chapter.

And I am beginning to believe that perhaps not just a few verses are meant for me, but the whole chapter is one grand promise of a heritage for all the "servants of the Lord."

Thus, the name of this blog.

We all serve something or someone, and we will all find ourselves in at least one or two (or three) faceplants if we live long enough.

Who or what are we bowing down to?

I pray you join me in my efforts to daily live as God's servant. Although I greatly desire to, I don't serve wholeheartedly or even remotely close to perfectly, but I can say without hesitation that the Lord truly is the only One worth serving. In his "upside down economy", service to him is the only way to experience true freedom. We were born for it.