Unfair Expectations

As providence would have it, I just so happened to be struggling with anger and unforgiveness in my heart at exactly the time I began to prepare to write this devotion on - of all things - forgiveness.

For a few days or so, there had been this icy undercurrent of a vague sense of anger and hurt flowing through my spirit toward a very significant person in my life. I couldn't exactly put my finger on what it was that had caused me to begin to feel this way, but there was no denying its presence. I'd get up in the morning for my quiet devotional time, and there it was, hovering over my heart like a murky cloud, stopping up my sense of connection with my Savior.

I felt stunted, short-circuited, cut off and confused.

But then, within only a few minutes of pouring over Mark 11:25, God's Spirit convicted me of my unforgiving, angry heart.

And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.”

- Mark 11: 25

It was clear as day. I couldn't run from the awful truth that I had allowed my pride to place unreasonable expectations on this precious person in my life - and when they failed to meet them, my sinful heart began to harden in hurt, anger and unforgiveness.

What I'm learning is that sometimes unforgiveness stems from real hurts inflicted by others...but far too often in my life, I have to own up to the fact that I feel hurt because others have failed to meet the unfair expectations that I've subconsciously put on them - I feel like they must act in a way that protects my sense of self-worth and if they don't, then I struggle with disappointment and hurt. All of this is rooted in ugly pride! So, ultimately I begin to see that I am the one who needs to seek forgiveness from my Father (and those I've hurt in anger), and I don't necessarily need to forgive those with whom I'm angry because really they haven't even done anything wrong in the first place! Phew!! What a mess our hearts can be...

But praise God that He uses the power of His Word to gently probe us and show us what sin we need to deal with - all with the purpose of reconciliation to Him and others. I thank God that I was able to go to the person with whom I was unjustly angry and make amends, restoring our relationship to an even deeper level of intimacy. That's what Jesus is all about - restoration of the broken through His power of forgiveness.

In this season of Thanksgiving, let's praise Him for this gift - that through His
forgiveness offered on the Cross, we don't have to sludge through the heavy, murky waters of unforgiveness in our hearts, but we can be washed clean by His Spirit's power to forgive and start fresh every day.