Vision Surgery

(it was the 80's, y'all)

I'm asking God for vision surgery. Yes, there is something wrong with my eyes – I've had coke bottle glasses since the age of three. My physical eyes are officially jacked. But lately I've been learning that what's most concerning is not the fact that without my contacts on, my left eye slowly turns inward and I can see two of everything (fun party trick that that is).

What's most concerning is how poorly the eyes of my heart see life around me. So often throughout my day I find myself battling against a sense of being overwhelmed with it all. We all have our own battlegrounds, and mine happens to be as a homeschooling mom of 4 little souls ages 6 and under. I ADORE my battleground and am beyond grateful, deep down, for the insanely gracious gift of my family. There is honestly no where else I'd rather be living out my days than in serving them.

But with little blessings often comes BIG mess(ings). As I sit here, I've got a sink exploding with dishes, a dishwasher begging to be unloaded, clothes in the washer and dryer (and sprinkled throughout my house in various places), a kitchen table strewn with crayons, paper, and leftover lunch, and my floors – oh, my floors. I sincerely don't remember the last time I mopped them. The type-A's out there are screaming, get off the computer and get to cleaning! And I agree, I need to. And I will. Again and again and again.

 

And then the mess will come back.

 

With a vengeance. (You know the saying, cleaning your house with kids is like trying to brush your teeth while eating oreos? That's the world I live in.)

 

And then I will be faced with a choice – the same choice I find myself staring down nearly every single second of every single day: Am I going to see the mess around me as evidence of my failures as a homemaker (which is my identity in this season), or am I going to see it as evidence of God's blessings?

 

Cause if my identity hangs on my perfect performance, then I am in big trouble. (I know there are a million things I could be doing better in my current role as homemaker and I truly hope to implement some of them...some day.)

 

But for now, when life is as it is with these precious, downright destructive little ones, God is using this to teach me to see Him even in the imperfect. And to learn that life will never be perfect. And that's okay.

 

Because it's in the mess where Christ meets us. It's in the mess where He speaks to us.

 

When we are broken down and tired from running and doing and going and trying, trying, trying to keep it all together and somehow we. just. can't. It's at this beaten-down moment when He so gently tips our chin up to His beautiful face and says,

 

“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” (Matt. 11:28-30).

See, this battle for restored vision I face now is the same one I've faced my whole life: Will I choose each moment to muscle through life in my own strength, trying so hard to perform or somehow maintain a certain mental state that will surely lead me to deep down peace (whew, it's exhausting even to write that sentence).

 

Or will I – even in the midst of the chaos – choose to slow down, look up and readjust my vision, focusing on God's astounding beauty and presence every second of this messy, beautiful life.

 

I don't need to frantically keep searching, cleaning, trying, doing...Christ calls me to rest.

 

Rest??

 

Yes, rest. In Him.

 

He is able to carry me and as I walk in His strength, asking Him to give me eyes to see life as He sees it, He will open my vision up to the most glorious sites.

 

Jesus will give me light just when I need it. I cannot see the end, but I can see Him, and

 

He is enough.