The Gift I Wouldn't Have Chosen, But Am Glad I Received



 

It was a sweet birthday spent surrounded by my most treasured little people and darling husband, filled with homemade gifts, drawings, letters and little voices shouting “happy birthday, Mama!” every half hour or so (love how kids are even more excited about your birthday than you are). I thought I had really been taking it all in – this ridiculous blessedness in my life – trying to thank God, as often as it occurred to me throughout the day, for how He has lavished His grace on my life.

 

But apparently God had an unexpected, more profound birthday gift for me that He knew I needed, one that was most definitely not on my 'want list' – but one I am now grateful for because of the renewal is has birthed in my heart.

Driving home from taking our kids to AWANA and grabbing a quick birthday dinner at my favorite local restaurant, my eyes were once again opened to the brevity and fragility of this life. We were coming up to a hill, slowing down on the dark two-lane highway to turn left onto the road that leads to our neighborhood, when a truck coming the other direction swerved into our lane. I was mid-yawn, listening to my silly 3-year old sing Christmas carols (even though it's now well into January), half-dreading the beat-down of our nightly routine of wrangling 4 small kids into bed, when, out of nowhere, the lights of an extremely close oncoming vehicle appeared in our lane. Before my brain could even really register what was happening, Chris swerved to the right to make room for the truck, while thankfully its driver realized his error and corrected himself back into his lane as well.

And there we were. All okay. Chris smoothly turned left off the highway, and we cruised safely back home. But in my mama heart, something snapped awake. Something changed. God used the lights of that truck to shine deep in my sleeping heart, snapping me awake with a renewed appreciation for every single breath that not only I take, but that fills the lungs of my precious family - because in an instant, they could've been emptied. The nightly bedtime routine suddenly became less of a beat-down and more of a blessing - needless to say, I treasured my moments with my children as I marveled at them snugly tucked into their beds, because they so easily could not have been.

And what if they weren't? What if our night had ended in the hospital, or if we'd never even made it off that highway? What then?

 

This is where it gets hard.

 

It's easy to praise God for His steadfast love and mercy when life is on the upswing. But what about when He allows it to slide back down the pendulum? What about the dark times, the valleys of the shadow of death? I've only been around 37 years now (as of yesterday), but I've lived enough to walk through some of those shadows myself and have certainly seen other precious souls thrown headlong into them.

It is a tricky question that my heart runs away from because I naturally want to shield my eyes from the darkness of life. But two answers come to mind when I am forced to think through the “what ifs.”

 

First, I am reminded in my spirit that life is a gift. And we're not just talking “a good long life” - we're talking every single beat that my heart is allowed to pump. How can I say that I deserve any of it? Did I make myself?! Did I choose the time period and location in which I would be born? This list could go on, and with each question I become more and more aware of just how little I have to do with anything and just how phenomenally gracious God has been to allow me even one day (let alone 13, 505 now!). The poetry of G.K. Chesterton rings in my ears,

Here dies another day

During which I have had eyes, ears, hands

And the great world round me;

And with tomorrow begins another.

Why am I allowed two?

Why am I allowed two? Oh, that I could live every waking moment with the awareness of the grace that has been lavished on me in the miracle of every moment I am given. It overwhelms me to think of the tragedy of how many moments I have wasted in selfishness, ingratitude and countless other vain outcries of my sinful heart. All I can do is turn to my merciful Savior and whisper, “forgive me,” knowing that He does. Forgive my blindness, my pride, my complete ignorance of how abundantly, ridiculously good You have been to my undeserving self. Good even in allowing what we would deem as bad – because in the bad, there will be good that comes. [God promises to work all things for our good and His glory, for those who love Him (Romans 8:28), and through His discipline there will be great fruit of righteousness for those who are trained by it (Hebrews 12: 3-11). ]

The second answer that washes over my shaken heart is Jesus' beautiful words, acknowledging that life will most certainly be hard this side of heaven:

“In this world you will have trouble.

But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

- John 16: 33

I love how Jesus is so honest with us – He doesn't sugarcoat things or try to paint a picture of “the easy life.” For the One who will carry the heaviest burden ever shouldered - the sin of all humanity - He is well aware that our days on this earth can be dark. He acknowledges this, but doesn't leave us with a, “well, that's just how life is, son...”

 

No.

 

He tells us to “take heart!” He lifts our chins up and redirects our floundering focus onto HIMSELF. He has overcome it all. Our hope is renewed. Not only does He promise that through His work on the cross, we are guaranteed eternal life – life that will make this earthly one seem like a blink, just a blip on the radar screen...but He promises that while we are still in this frail tent of a body, He will be with us – even more, He will carry us...if we let Him (Matthew 11: 28-30).

So I wake up, this second day of my 37^th year, treasuring the gift God has given me – the priceless reminders that:

Life is a fragile, fleeting, precious grace of a gift, and I should do my utmost to soak up every second, shouting out praises of gratitude in my heart for every moment I am given (yes, even the tough ones!),

and

Even when the dark times come (which they most certainly will), I can take heart because my Savior will never leave me nor forsake me and He has 'overcome the world', working all things together for my good and His glory.

 

Our hope can never be shaken when it is based in Him,

Who will most certainly make all things new

on that Great Day...

that is closer now than it was yesterday.

I Can Rest Because He Will Stand

“Many are the plans in the mind of a man,

but it is the purpose of the LORD that will stand.”

- Proverbs 19: 21

I've never been good at “going with the flow.” I like to have a plan, to know what's coming so I can be prepared. I want clear-cut directions to ensure that if I do XYZ, then I will get my desired result. The problem is, life is not a series of well-planned, flawlessly executed events – just ask any parent who has wrung their hands as they watched all evidence of “control” over their environment quickly disappear! We rapidly learn that children are not robots, and are pros at making any “plans” we might have regarding them fly out the window rather than actually come to fruition! Flexibility is the key.

But it's hard to be flexible. Why? Because we're prideful. We want things to go the way we think they should go because, well, that's what we want. Maybe it's easier. Maybe it'll make us look better. Maybe it feels better. Problem is, life is not about us. Yes, we have an important role to play in God's Kingdom; yes, we are so loved that He provides for our every need and loves us so intensely that He gave His perfect Son to die so that we could live eternally...but ultimately, all of this world revolves around and exists for God's glory (not our preconceived plans).

So, the next time I find myself getting all in a fuss because my day isn't shaping up the way I planned it to (which happens more often than not!), instead of allowing myself to stomp/scowl/huff/puff around in frustration, I pray I'm able (by God's Spirit within me) to see the bigger picture that supersedes my limited perspective – that there is a great mosaic God is weaving through the lives of every single one of us, and He is in control of every detail; everything has a purpose (HIS purpose!) and a plan. Nothing is random; nothing happens “by chance.” What peace that can give my control-hungry heart as I learn to fall back and rest in the arms of my sovereign Father and, with childlike faith, trust that He is good and He has it all under control. And I don't have to.

Little Joys from Our Ultimate Joy

“Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord,
the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior

are the children of one's youth.
Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them!
He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.”

- Psalm 127: 3-5

What are you counting on to bring you joy every day?

 

God has used the gift of motherhood to gently and continually remind me that only in Christ can I find ultimate joy. In His Word, God says that children are a reward and a heritage from Him, and that we are certainly blessed by their presence in our lives. It seems to me that this blessing unfolds itself in a myriad of unexpected ways.

First off, it's not hard to see that kids are just fun! They have more capacity to bring light and laughter to a home than anything else. Dogs and cats are great, don't get me wrong...but kids?! I've never laughed so hard in my life – they're downright hilarious, whether they intend to be or not! They are like the gift that keeps on giving – what a joy it is to get to “unwrap,” day by day, the unique little person God has providentially placed in our home.

But alongside the fun part, I believe God uses the challenging aspects of parenting to bless us as well. Children, by their very nature, are divinely designed to disrupt our comfortable, orderly, selfishly-motivated lives. Anyone who's been a parent for more than five seconds knows that children cannot help but interrupt our agendas (when our agendas don't include them). As an aside, I think we would be wise (and I keep telling myself!) to simply expect to be interrupted by them, so that when the interruptions inevitably come, we are mentally prepared and by God's grace handle them with love.

I have had to constantly remind myself that as a parent, my daily goals that I think are so important should never take higher priority than the little lives circling around me. My default is to be so performance and project-oriented that I completely forget that my children ARE the goal of my day. Oh, how I struggle and fail continually with maintaining this mindset.

Children are built to stretch us. To date, nothing has sanctified me more than being a parent! But when we stomp around with the (often subconscious) mindset that children are more burdens than blessings, we are believing the lie that “if only life could be easier, I would be happy.” Yes, raising children is hard work. But anything worth doing is difficult - and when we only focus on the drudgery of parenting tasks, we risk missing out on enjoying the beauty of each individual soul that somehow miraculously graces our homes.

There is great hope in knowing that these kids didn't just happen to us by genealogical chance – God very specifically chose you to be the parent of your children with the intention that nobody else could do the job for these little souls quite like you could. Yes, our children are purposeful gifts to us from a loving God, designed to ultimately (if not always in the immediate present!) give us joy. They are a gift. A reward!

Nonetheless, children are gifts with their own free wills, so at times their choices may bring pain into our lives (just as our choices sometimes bring pain to our own Heavenly Father). But we are called, regardless of our kids' actions, to faithfully love them as Christ does us, diligently praying for them every step of the way (oh, if we only knew the impact praying parents have had through the centuries!).

As we parent and pray, we should do so with a heart that trusts that it is the Lord who builds our family (Psalm 127:1). In Christ's strength alone, as we do our part (love, pray), we can trust that He will do His part. And even though we may struggle with feeling totally inadequate for the task, that's okay – because truthfully, nobody can parent in their own strength the way God desires for us to.

The weight of parenting is in reality a good thing – God is able to take the burden and turn it into a blessing. The continual challenges of parenthood are designed to drive us to our knees so that we draw nearer to God and cling to our loving Savior as our Guide, Provider, Teacher and Comforter – God is the Ultimate Parent, full of wisdom and grace who longs to spill it over onto all those who seek Him for it. So as we come to Him, “weary and burdened,” He will “give us rest” (Matthew11: 28-30) – not by totally removing the burden from us, but by giving us Himself, Who alone has all the strength we need to carry on.

The tumultuous, unpredictable winds of parenthood can shake a person to their core. When this happens, whatever our hearts cling to deep down as our source of true joy in life is clearly revealed. If we are seeking to find joy in anything other than Jesus (a clean house, an accomplished to-do list, healthy kids, successful career, praise from others, a perfect figure, “me time,” sleep!, etc...), our life's foundation will crack. We cannot stand on anything in this life other than the solid Rock of Jesus Christ.

Children bless their parents not only through the joy they bring, but also by continually forcing us back to the Cross – we can't parent in our own strength the way God wants us to. We are weak and broken and need Christ's help every waking (and sometimes half-awake!) moment. We can trust that as we come to the Lord for help, seeing Him as our ultimate satisfying joy in life, He will graciously provide everything we need for the task (Hebrews 4:16). It is the Lord alone who builds a family (Psalm 127:1), and in the end, we can rest assured that we will be “blessed,” and not “put to shame” when our time as parents is done (Psalm 127: 5).

Caught on Tape

 

"I will be careful to lead a blameless life-- when will you come to me?

I will conduct the affairs of my house with a blameless heart.”

 - Psalm 101:2

This Christmas we bought our son a camera, little knowing how powerfully God would use its video feature to grow us in Christ! There have been several times I've looked over at my son while I'm in the midst of an “intense” parenting moment with one of his siblings, only to find him recording the whole incident. Talk about a “heart check”!

Since God is an all-seeing God, the reality is, everything we do, say and even think is “on the record” – He is overseeing it all, all the time. Knowing this shudders my heart with an initial sense of dread (because I know the depth of my sin nature), but is quickly replaced with immense, restful gratitude (because I know the far greater depth of my Lord's forgiveness and grace, and that He has canceled my “record of debt” because of Christ's work on the cross; Colossians 2: 13-15, Hebrews 8:12). And from this thankfulness of heart, I am stirred with an unquenchable longing to “walk with integrity of heart within my house” (Psalm 101:2). But how do we have the power to do that ALL the time!?

The power of the Gospel is not just for Sunday morning worship experiences, mission trips or spiritual retreats – it is for the nitty gritty of everyday life. As a believer in Christ, you are a new creation, and you have the Holy Spirit (the same Spirit who raised Jesus from the dead! Romans 8:11) empowering you to live each moment according to your new nature. Although your old sin nature will remain to some extent until God calls you home, you are no longer enslaved to it (Romans 6:6). In the limitless strength of the Almighty One (not your own strength!) who calls you to good works in His name, you can walk with integrity each moment of your day.

You are not defeated by your flesh, the temptations of this world and Satan's continual badgering.

You are a victor

 

because CHRIST,

who is your life,

 

is the Victorious One.

By His grace, you can choose each moment to walk in victory. Start each day humbly before your loving Father, asking Him to fill you with His Spirit so that in each step of your day you will “walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace” (Ephesians 4: 1-3).

Are You Working Too Hard?

Today, ask yourself in whose strength and for what purpose are you working?

"Man-made religion in its various forms seeks to have human works entirely or at least partially involved in salvation. In Confucianism, education, self-reflection, self-cultivation, and living a moral life save you. In Hinduism, detaching from your separated ego and making an effort to live in unity with the divine save you. In Islam, living a life of good deeds saves you. In Orthodox Judaism, repentance, prayer, and working hard to obey the Law save you. In New Ageism, gaining a new perspective through which you see how you're connected to all things as a divine oneness, saves you. In Taoism, aligning yourself with the Tao to have peace and harmony saves you. What nearly all religions and spiritualities hold in common is the theme that, if there is a savior, it's the person we see in the mirror every morning.

Christianity is also a religion of works - just not our own works. Only by the work of Jesus Christ are we saved. Only through faith in his sinless life, substitutionary death, and bodily resurrection can anyone be saved. Jesus saves us, which then results in our good works - what Jesus also often refer to as the "fruit" of this already accomplished work of salvation in us. This is a vastly different way of looking at the world than any other religion. Our works don't justify us. Rather our works are an act of worship to a God who has already made us new." - Mark Driscoll, Who Do You Think You Are?

And you were dead in the trespasses and sins ² in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience— ³ among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body^[a] and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind.^{[b] 4} But^[c] God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, ⁵ even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved— ⁶ and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, ⁷ so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. ⁸ For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, ⁹ not a result of works, so that no one may boast. ¹⁰ For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.

- Ephesians 2: 1-10

The Promise of Peace in the Midst of Pain

“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” - Psalm 34: 18
 

From our earliest childhood days onward, we learn that life is just plain painful at times. Our favorite toys break, our knees get scraped, people tease and let us down. As we grow older, it's clear that life does not get much easier – in fact, the wounds can pile up and just get uglier.

Herein lies the choice: when faced with the unavoidable heartbreaks, the spirit-crushing struggle of sin (ours and others), and just the unavoidable stress of circumstances this side of heaven, do you turn to God or run from Him?

 

When we choose the latter, frantically clinging to other people or false comforters (those idols we sometimes unknowingly think will save us from life's pain: social media, food, shopping, approval, false religions, alcohol, beauty, entertainment...), we will without question find ourselves in a perpetual cycle of discontent and, worst of all, disconnection with our Savior.

However, when we choose to allow life's pain to push us closer to God (which is, after all, one of the ultimate purposes of pain), we will, without fail, find our loving Father ready to sweep in and catch us up in His tender arms, comforting us with His promised peace that passes all understanding. I have seen this played out over and over again in my own life - never have I known Christ's nearness more than in my darkest moments.

If you are struggling on some front today (and really, aren't we all in one way or another?), run to Jesus and lay it all down at His feet. Do not turn to your right or to your left, but steadily look into His beautiful eyes and trust that He will give you all the grace you need. If you have placed your faith in Christ, you are His little child and He loves you even in the midst of your pain and sin. As you rest in His strong arms and saturate your mind with His Word, let Him carry and fill you with His peace and strength, knowing that He will work ALL things together for your good and His glory.

Let's thank God that we have a Savior who is near to, not far from, the brokenhearted. He desires to be close to you, just as you are right now – let that fact alone comfort you today.

"Therefore the LORD waits to be gracious to you, and therefore he exalts himself to show mercy to you. For the LORD is a God of justice; blessed are all those who wait for him. 

For a people shall dwell in Zion, in Jerusalem; you shall weep no more. He will surely be gracious to you at the sound of your cry. As soon as he hears it, he answers you. And though the Lord give you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, yet your Teacher will not hide himself anymore, but your eyes shall see your Teacher. And your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, "This is the way, walk in it," when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left. Then you will defile your carved idols overlaid with silver and your gold-plated metal images. You will scatter them as unclean things. You will say to them, "Be gone!" - Isaiah 30: 18-22

Safe in His Prevailing Purpose

“There is no wisdom, no insight, no plan that can succeed against the LORD.”

-Proverbs 21:30

What am I relying on?

If I take an honest, hard look at my innermost self – the one who, when sleepless nights strike, is prone to dwell on the “what ifs” - where does my heart find it's strength, it's deep, down hope? Do I find comfort and security in conjured up plans of what I think my life should look like in order to maintain a certain level of happiness (“as long as we all stay healthy/have this home/educate our kids well/have this much money in the bank/are surrounded by friends and family...”)?

Or do I base my sense of assurance on the Rock, the Immovable One, my Faithful Father?

Because the sooner I come to realize that He is the One who is in control of all things and, more than that, the One for Whom all things exist (Rom. 11:36) – and not only that, but that He will work all things together for good, for those who love Him (Rom. 8:28) – the sooner I begin to let these truths permeate my spirit, sink down in to me, come to live within the fabric of my being...the sooner I will walk with a growing daily awareness that because I am in Christ (and we are promised that once we are His through faith, we will never be taken out of His hand – John 10:28), and because Christ is in control of all things, and because He is

the Good Shepherd, the True Light, Redeemer, Rock, Counselor,

Prince of Peace, the Almighty, full of grace and truth...

– because of these amazing realities, I am unshakably secure in Him. I can stop striving after the vain pursuit of trying to make my little life into “something” - in my own efforts, it will never be anything. But because I am united in Christ, my life has miraculously become a part of His Body, the beautiful tapestry of His presence being lived out in this world.

No matter where my life leads, I will always be safe in His arms.

“Many are the plans in a person's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails.”

- Proverbs 19:21